Being on Time

Being on Time

    Yogi Berra wasn’t just a great baseball player; but also a master of unconscious tautology (“It ain’t over till it’s over”). The story goes that a player once asked him what time it was, and Yogi answered, “What, you mean now?” Now is always the correct answer. The science of time begins, I suppose, with Sir Isaac Newton, who said that time was immutable throughout the universe, and the same for everyone. Enter clock time, about which I have more to say later. Towns all measured noon by when the sun was highest, which meant when trains came along, there a lot of wrecks due to time differentials.
    In the early 1900s there were a slew of patent applications for accurate time keeping devices so everyone could be synchronized. One of the Swiss patent clerks who had to pour through all these applications was Albert Einstein, who began asking himself questions about time. He would go on to show that time and space are inextricably entwined, and that motion through space affects the passage of time. We call it spacetime now. Basically, if you’re moving, time passes more slowly, not for you, but for someone observing at rest. The difference is barely measurable, though, till you approach the speed of light. One thing would seem certain; the “arrow of time” is a one-way street, from past to present to future. On the other hand, many a physicist can tell us there’s nothing in the laws of physics that would prevent time from going backward. After all, we can move backward or forward in space. The late great George Carlin had a bit where he thought it would be better if time did run backwards. You’d begin elderly and infirm, and get younger all the time, and end in the best possible way, with a big orgasm. Or take this little snippet from Lewis Carroll:
    Alice: I can’t remember things before they happen.
    The Queen: It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.
    Well, as they say, it’s all relative. I’m much more interested in how we perceive time, which differs from person to person and depending on the circumstance. If you’re listening to a boring lecture, time seems to crawl along, but if you’re with a hot date at a concert, “time flies.” Speaking for myself, four months of Donald Trump feels like four years of Nixon, maybe because things are happening so much faster. Some great minds have spoken on the issue. Hannah Arendt is known chiefly by her seminal book, The Origins of Totalitarianism. But in another book, The Life of the Mind, she says that it is our “limited life span that transforms the continuously flowing stream of sheer change . . . into time as we know it.” Jacques Luis Borges thought time was the foundation of our experience of personal identity, and that it is inseparable from matter, spirit, and space. I especially liked what C.S. Lewis wrote: “Humans are amphibians — half spirit and half animal. As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time.” And singer/songwriter/author Patti Smith asks an intriguing question: “If I write about the past as I simultaneously dwell in the present, am I still in real time?
    In a show devoted to the subject, NPR’s “Radio Lab” interviewed athletes about their perception of time. A sprinter said once the gun goes off, running seemed like slow motion. I can add my own experience as a distance runner. It’s almost as if time didn’t exist (even though every runner is timed to the hundredth of a second). A high jumper said when she’s clearing the bar, time seems to stand still. Baseball players at the plate have claimed to be able to see the ball in slow motion. The famed slugger Ted Williams said he could see the stitches on the ball as it came near. Again, from personal experience, marijuana slows down the sense of time passing. When I was in my hippie days, many years ago, I did a lot of finger-picking on guitar. I liked doing speed, or amphetamines, because speeding gave me so much time to get to each string I needed to pluck. I had to give up on speed though; the crash just wasn’t worth it. It does appear that the perception of the passage of time varies according to our experience. What about other animals? Does a turtle perceive time passing in the same way as a hummingbird? Some butterflies are born without digestive systems. They live only a few days, just long enough to mate. Do they experience a whole lifetime in so short (to us) a period? What about our plant friends? They keep track of time, too, by noting the changes in light and temperature, and the change of seasons.
    Hopefully you’ve seen the 1990 film “Awakenings,” about a doctor working with catatonic patients (Robert DeNiro was one). The doctor, so ably played by Robin Williams, was Oliver Sacks, a neurologist fascinated by patients who seemed “frozen.” In his book, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat,” he tells of a patient named Myron. Over a couple hours, he would move one hand up, touch his nose, and return the hand to its original position. Twenty photos were made of it, and assembled into a flip book. When they showed it to Myron, he was “thunderstuck.” In his perception of time, he had merely reached up to scratch his nose, an action that only took a couple seconds. I’m somewhat skeptical of this account, however. If Myron perceived time at such a slow rate, wouldn’t normal speech sound speeded up, and wouldn’t people coming and going seem to flit around like our hummingbird?  Sadly, Dr. Sacks left us last year.
    However intriguing all these speculations may be, the fact appears to be that all we really have is now. That brings me to clock time, which always measures now. It’s a convenient way of measuring time that we all agreed to — or were coerced into accepting — so that we can get where we’re going “on time.” Greenwich Mean Time became UTC — Universal Time Coordinated. Today the ultimate is the atomic clock in Colorado, which measures in microseconds, using decaying Cesium atoms. The system seems a little regimented and militaristic, if you ask me; like a tyranny.  Alan Watts warns: “If you are bewitched by the clock you will therefore have no present. ‘Now’ will be no more than the geometrical point at which the future becomes the past.” That’s a good warning against being a slave to clock time. He goes on to say that biological time is more rhythmic, swinging process. It’s antithetical to clack time, because it has its own flow.
    It’s odd, the many expressions having to do with time. We speak of passing or filling time, there being no time to lose, killing time, losing time, wasting time, all the time, time after time, biding one’s time, as time goes by, and let’s not leave out the capitalist motto: time is money. We may speak of someone living in the past, but physics doesn’t seem to allow it. I could go on and on, but time doesn’t permit.
    Anyway, the jury seems to be in, and it’s comforting to see Western science merging with thousands of years of Eastern philosophy: now is all we’ve got. Again, I refer to Alan Watts: “Actually, time is an illusion, because the only real time, if I may so call it, is the present. The past does not exist except as a memory, the future isn’t here at all. And all our knowledge of the future consists of guesses based on the past.”
    Mel Brooks has a brilliant scene in his less than brilliant film, “Spaceballs.” The Empire ship is chasing the rebels, watching through a monitor, when suddenly the screen shows that strange trick when you’re between mirrors, and reflections of you recede into infinity:
    “Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
    Colonel Sandurz: Now. You’re looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.
    Dark. Helmet: What happened to then?
    Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.
    Dark Helmet: When?
    Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We’re at now now.”
    Precisely. Forty years ago the beat poets and philosophers were talking about living in the now, something the Buddhists strive for. I read the excellent Be Here Now, by Ram Dass, in the 1970s. Today we call it mindfulness, but it’s still the same. The present is all we’ve really got, and yet it slips through our fingers like sand.

    I wasted time, and now doth time waste me. — William Shakespeare, Richard II

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Binky Goes Abroad

Binky Goes Abroad

    The still-President-for-now just took his first trip abroad (Whoa — did somebody just say a broad? Take it easy, Binky). He hadn’t wanted to go at all, then he wanted the nine day trip shortened to five. At any rate, he was off to visit Saudi Arabia, then Israel, then Rome. In doing so he would be paying tribute to the world’s three great faiths: Judaism, Christianity, and Oil — I mean Islam. Then he was to attend and speak to NATO. One NATO official said they were “bracing for impact.” Reuters reported that security officials were told to include his name as often as possible in his briefings, because “he keeps reading if he’s mentioned.” In short, Europe and the Middle East were being childproofed. The White House put out a paper outlining his goals, and one bullet point said “Promote the possibility of lasting peach.” Could that have been a Freudian slip because the word “impeachment” has been used so often lately?
    His first stop was to give a speech on Islam to the Saudis. I know, that sounds funny to me, too. I wonder if the Saudis remembered what he said during the campaign, that Saudi Arabia should be banned from exporting oil to the U.S. He had also accused them of masterminding the 9/11 attacks (well, 15 of the 19 hijackers were Saudis), killing gay people, and enslaving women. In his speech he never used the words “radical Islamic terrorism,” the phrase he often accused Obama for not saying. But he did make a faux pas when he said “Islamic” extremism instead of “Islamist.” There’s subtle but important difference. Islamist infers that it’s a bastardization of Islam, whereas Islamic suggests it’s an integral part of Islam. The White House said it was because the President “was really exhausted.” Already? On the first day? Remember that debate with Hillary, when he said, “I don’t believe she does have the STAMina,” that’s how he said it, “To be President of this country you need tremendous STAMina.”. Of course she made about 200 overseas trips, and all without stamina! The Saudis weren’t offended, though. How could they be when they were about to accept a massive $110 billion arms deal from us? For that kind of money, decorum can be set aside. He also said in the speech, “. . . and we’ll be sure to give our Saudi friends a good deal from our great American defense companies.” Hey, isn’t he supposed to working for us? Overall, he got the warmest reception from the real #1 sponsor of terrorism, and he must have really loved a country that treats women even worse than he does.
    The most bizarre part of the visit was when he participated in a ceremony, akin to a ribbon-cutting, to open the Global Center for Combating Extremist Ideology. The room was darkened as Egyptian President el-Sisi, King Salman, and Trump placed their hands on a glowing white orb. It was like something right out of a Marvel Comics super villains story.
    Commerce Secretary and Mr. Magoo lookalike Wilbur Ross was there, too, and said he was amazed that he never saw a single protester. Someone should inform him that the penalty for dissent is beheading. They do it every Friday right after prayers. Earlier, during Trump’s speech, Ross had nodded off, making him the first person to get any sleep since Trump was elected. Later, Trump participated in some kind of penis sword dance, but he didn’t look that much more awkward than most white man trying to dance.
    Then it was off to Israel. As he and Melania are walking on the tarmac, he reached back his hand for hers. And she lightly smacked it away. The video went viral. So he greeted Israeli PM Netanyahu, saying “We just got back from the Middle East.” Apparently he is unaware of Israel’s precise location. When he shook hands with Netanyahu he did his power hand shake, pulling Bibi’s hand to his chest and not letting go. Bibi was looking around, like what the hell is with this guy? They visited Yad Vashem, Israel’s principal Holocaust memorial. His visit was short, and he didn’t take the museum tour, but wrote in the guest book, “It is a great honor to be here with all my friends – so amazing and will Never Forget!” I guess by capitalizing the last two words he sanctified his messge. It reminded me of Justin Bieber visiting the Anne Frank Memorial, and writing in the guest book. “Anne was a great girl. I think she would have been a Belieber.” Later, speaking at the King David Hotel, the Doofus described the Arab feeling toward Israel as “really very positive,” proving once again, as if it needed proving, that he is completely delusional. He had also planned to visit Masada, another holy sight where hundreds of Jews martyred themselves rather than give in to the Romans. After being told that landing his helicopter on top of the monument wasn’t allowed, and that he’d have to use the cable car like everyone else, he canceled the trip. He did learn one thing; he can’t take out a loan from the West Bank.
    The next stop was Rome, where at the top of the stairs coming off the plane, he reached again for Melania’s hand. As he touched it she brought it up instantly to brush her hair. I think there’s trouble in Paradise. I now think when Melania said she wants to stay at Trump Tower until Barron is out of school, she meant until he gets his doctorate. So there they were; His Biglyness and His Holiness. There was no Alpha male handshake. Ivanka and Melania, both dressed in black (?), were there, too. You’ve seen many photos of this Popo; he’s always smiling, isn’t he? Not here. The photograph of the four shows him with a truly morose expression. They spoke for half an hour, and as they were beginning to walk out, the Pope leaned over to Melania and asked: “What do you give him to eat, Potizza?” That’s a very rich, high-calorie Slovenian desert. A very subtle fat-shame from the Pope.
    Then it was on to Brussels, and the NATO summit. Thousands were protesting outside the headquarters. They remember Trump calling Brussels “a hellhole” during the campaign. NATO was prepared, having urged officials to keep talks with him between two and four minutes, so as not to tax Trump’s notoriously short attention span. It was here where I began to have some admiration for the newly-elected French President, Emmanuel Macron. This guy is pretty cool. He and another dignitary are walking toward Trump, Angela Merkel, and a flock of other dignitaries. Trump is dead ahead, but at the last minute Macron veers right and greets Merkel, then shakes hands with a couple others. He turns to shake with Trump, who tries the Alpha male shit again, trying to pull Macron off balance. But Macron had adapted Canadian PM Trudeau’s tactic of putting his other hand on Trump’s arm. Then came Binky the Bald’s address to NATO, where he scolded them (again) for not ponying up their protection money. This fat asshole couldn’t find the word “class” in a dictionary. After the speech was another very telling moment, as Trump was pretty much left on his own as the other world leaders mingled with each other, talking and laughing.
    But my favorite moment of the whole trip was where he and Macron were seated, cameras rolling, while Trump was praising Macron’s victory. He reached out for the handshake and Macron grabbed his hand like a vice, holding it for seven seconds. You can see the knuckles of Trump’s hand turn white. If you watch the video carefully — and please allow yourself the pleasure — you can see Trump try to break off once, then on the second effort pulls his hand free. It was a magnificent example of how to deal with a bully.
    There’s another viral video from that summit. Trump and some other NATO officials are walking towards a photo op, and Trump reaches out and pushes the Prime Minister of Montenegro aside to get to the front (“Out of my way, you negro”). Then he adjusts his suit, puffs his chest out like a big ol’ rooster, and looks around. Mr. Alpha male. Mr. Ass-hat. Every time I think I couldn’t possibly be more repulsed by this braying jackass, he raises the bar  of boorishness yet again.
    Just one more stop, at Taormina Sicily, for the G7 Summit. And here occurred the sad metaphor of this man and his fake presidency. The leaders had finished an event at an amphitheater, and were walking together some 700 meters (about a half mile) to a piazza. Well, six of them were walking. Trump followed behind in an electric golf cart. I guess he must have run out of STAMina, or something. But what else could we expect? He admits he never exercises. He believes the body is like a battery and only has a finite amount of energy, which exercise depletes. And he eats junk food, which is just the thing for junk thought.
    We missed a big opportunity these last nine days. We should have changed all the locks while he was gone. Now he’s back; the creature is once again amongst us. Having alienated nearly all of our European allies, the Mango Mussolini retured triumphant. Press Secretary said it was a “historically successful” trip, but then, they are living in their own reality. The next day, Angela Merkel spoke in Munich, saying, “The times in which we could completely depend on others are to a certain degree over. I’ve experienced that in the last few days.” I think it’s pretty clear to whom she referred.

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The Amazing Nightshade Family

The Amazing Nightshade Family

    Hardly a day passes that we don’t learn something new and interesting about our friends in the plant kingdom. To me, one of the most fascinating families of plants is the nightshade family, or Solanaceae. It includes the potato, tomato, eggplant, tobacco, and the peppers (except ground black peppercorns; a separate family). This family contains some of the deadliest toxins known, as well as compounds we’ve synthesized for medicine, and yet we have daily contact with many of them. Keep in mind that plants cannot uproot themselves to flee from the dangers of insects, disease, or herbivores, so for their defenses they evolved and perfected chemical weapons. Why don’t we meet the family, while at the same time learning a little organic chemistry.
    Potato, Solanum sp. — They were first domesticated in Peru and Bolivia, between 8000 and 5000 B.C. They contain a glycoalkaloid called solanine, that can be mildly toxic. If the potato is green under the skin it shows a concentration of the chemical, so don’t eat it. Green areas just below the peel should be removed, too. Potatoes are the #1 vegetable fresh market crop, taking up twice the total acreage of sweet corn. Being half Irish, they are by far my vegetable of choice.
    Tomato, Solanum sp. — The earliest origins go back to the Aztecs, c. 700 A.D. In the early 16th Century they were introduced to Europe. Among the wealthy they were considered poisonous, but the poor loved them. That’s because wealthy people used flatware made from pewter, an alloy of tin and lead. The acid in the tomato would eat through the pewter, and lead would leach out. The French thought they had aphrodisiacal properties, hence the name pomme d’amour, love apple. Another reason they were thought poisonous is their resemblance to another family member, the Wolf Peach, Lycopersicon. The Old German word for tomato was Wolfpfirsich, the name derived from old folk tales that werewolves could be called up using members of this family.
    Tomatoes are a crucial ingredient of pizza, thought to be invented in Naples, Italy, in the late 19th century. Because Italy was only recently a united country (1881), the restaurateur wanted to reflect the colors of the new flag, so the green, white, and red became basil, mozzarella, and tomato sauce. Are they a vegetable or fruit? Although the Supreme Court ruled in 1893 they are a vegetable (for tax purposes), the definition of a fruit is the edible fleshy body surrounding a seed or seeds, and that’s good enough for me. Actually those fleshy parts you’re eating are the plant’s ovaries. Yum!
    Tobacco, Nicotiana sp. — N. Tabacum was and is cultivated for tobacco, and like our first two entries, also from the New World. Drop for drop, nicotine is more deadly than both strychnine and Western Diamondback rattlesnake venom, and three times more lethal than arsenic. Another deadly toxin the plant produces is anabasine, better known as neonicotine. Today, neonicotinoids are the #1 selling pesticide in the world, and the prime suspect in crashing the bee population. That’s why they’re banned in Europe. Recent studies have shown more positive uses for nicotine. It stimulates the brain’s production of dopamine, a neurotransmitter.  For decades, a different chemical was used for that purpose — levadopa, also called L-dopa, used to treat Parkinson’s, but a side effect was involuntary muscle movements. Nicotine doesn’t have that side effect. In fact, it’s showing promise in treating not only Parkinson’s, but also Tourette’s syndrome and schizophrenia. It’s normally administered in the form of chewing gum or a transdermal patch.
    Deadly Nightshade, Atropa belladonna — Also known as Devil’s berries, naughty man’s cherries, or beautiful death. The Genus name gives it away as a main source of atropine, a deadly poison. It was the plant of choice for assassins in the Middle Ages. Women back then used the herb’s oil to dilate their pupils, in order to look more seductive. That’s what the doctor puts in your eyes prior to an eye examination. The plant also contains scopolamine, another toxic alkaloid. Cattle, horses, sheep, goats, and rabbits are immune to the berries, but pets are not. The plant was used by the ancients for an anaesthetic for surgery, due to its effects of dizziness or drowsiness. Scopolamine (or hyoscine) is used to treat motion sickness. In the alley behind my house is Solanum dulcamara, or Bittersweet Nightshade. Whereas the belladonna flowers are purplish brown and bell-shaped, these are purple with yellow stamens, and very attractive. They eventually form red berries. I’m not worried about any animal getting sick, because these guys have another defense: they’re well guarded by a thicket of blackberry thorns.
    As a side note, when I was in the Army infantry, part of our combat training gear was an atropine injector. It’s an antidote for nerve agents, like the Sarin gas recently used in Syria. It was about the size of a Magic Marker. If attacked by nerve gas, you were supposed to push the plunger with your thumb as you jammed it down into your thigh muscle. I’m really glad I never got the chance to use it.
    Eggplant, Solanum melongena — Also known as augergine (fr. Catalan alberginia), garden egg, or mad apple, due to a legend that it causes insanity. Why, that’s crazy! The first written record is from China, 544 A.D. It’s been known to be allergenic, especially to those hypersensitive to allergies, but cooking usually neutralizes the threat. I know people love it, but I’ve never cared for the spongy texture. To be fair, though, I once tasted my date’s Moussaka at a Greek restaurant, and I must admit it was pretty good.
    Datura sp. — D. stramonium, is known as Jimsonweed, Angels’ trumpets, Devil’s snare, and Voodoo cucumber.  It also contains atropine and scopolamine and is highly hallucinogenic. In his book The Serpent and the Rainbow, Wade Davis tells how Voodoo priests used it to create real “zombies.” A related species is the Borrachero tree of Colombia, also known as Angels’ trumpets. It has also been used to make a chemical, burundanga, which can disorient victims, blocking their ability to form memories or make free will choices, similar to date rape drugs. Again, ancients used it for anaesthesia during surgery or bone setting.
    Mandrake, Mandragora officinarum — Because it contains deliriant hallucinogenic tropane alkaloids, and the shape of the root often resembles the human form, it is steeped in all kinds of supernatural lore. Legend has it that it would scream when pulled, and instantly kill the puller, so it was often tied to an animal to pull out. Effects of ingestion are similar to atropine poisoning; blurred vision, dizziness, pupil dilation, vomiting, and rapid heart rate (tachycardia). In proper dosage it, too, was used for anaesthesia, but also used to treat melancholy, rheumatic pains, and convulsions. Larger doses can lead to delirium and madness.
    Peppers, Capsicum sp. — Their defense system consists of capsaicin, the “heat” in a pepper. For some reason, birds seem to be unaffected. Widely grown in warmer climates, I don’t think I need to tell you all their culinary uses. I’m not a pepper guy, I don’t like hot foods, but I do make chicken paprikash, flavor a stew with just a touch of organic roasted cayenne, and use a 4oz. can of Ortega diced green chilis in my lentil chili. Scoville heat units, or SHU, are how the heat in peppers is rated. I don’t include “chili (or chile) peppers” in this list, as it can apply to so many varieties.

    Name                                                                         SHU

    Bell pepper                                                                     0
    Pimento and paprika (usually)                                          100 – 1000
    Poblano                                                                           1000 – 2000
    Jalapeno                                                                         2500 – 10,000
    Cayenne                                                                          30,000 – 50,000
    Habanero                                                                        100,000 – 350,000
    Ghost pepper, Carolina Reaper, Komodo Dragon              1,000,000 – 2,200,000

    Let’s compare these numbers to pepper spray, used for self-defense (I hope). The retail pepper spray you’re likely to find at the gun shop is about 2,000,000 SHU, roughly that of the Ghost pepper. Military or police grade pepper sprays can be as mush as 5,000,000 SHU. They are literally chemical weapons. What does the UN have to say about that? The UN Conventions on Chemical Weapons, in 1992, banned the use of chemical agents, including tear gas, pepper spray, and of course nerve agents — but only for use on the battlefield. Oddly, the Convention doesn’t include domestic police use. However, the UN Commission on Human Rights does, and over the years the U.S. has received many visits from UN inspectors.
    If you’ve been as impressed by this marvelous family of plants, consider that they’ve got a well over 100 million years head start over us. That’s a long time in which to evolve the kind of complex and sophisticated systems. Plants really are amazing beings.

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Don’t Laugh at Jeff Sessions

Don’t Laugh at Jeff Sessions

    “Woman Arrested After Laughing In Sessions Hearing,” ran the headline. It was Jan. 10th, at the Senate confirmation hearing for Attorney General nominee Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL. There were many protesters in the gallery, and several from Code Pink in pink Lady Liberty costumes. One of them was Desiree Fairooz, age 61, a decades-long activist. Sen. Richard Shelby (also R-AL) was giving an introductory statement, and when he mentioned that Sessions’ record of “treating all Americans equally under the law is clear and well-documented,” she laughed. A rookie female cop who had never worked a congressional hearing asked her to “Please come with me,” Desiree cried out in protest and held up a sign: “Support Civil Rights: Stop Sessions.” Two people had donned Klan robes in mock support for the nominee, while others shouted that he was a pig and a white nationalist. Capitol Police made 25 arrests that day.
    Let me provide some context. Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions III has a long record of bigotry and racism. As Alabama Attorney General he’d called a black attorney “boy,” and had said he thought the KKK was okay until he learned some of them smoked pot. Later he said it was a joke. Recently he actually said “Good people don’t smoke marijuana.” In 1986 another Senate hearing denied him a federal judgeship due to his blatant racism. Desiree Fairooz was in the gallery that day, too. The Chairman of that Committee was Strom Thurmond, a Dixiecrat who had run for President in 1948 on a platform of segregation. And Sessions was too racist even for him! After a federal judge in Hawaii blocked Trump’s second Muslim ban, Sessions said: “I really am amazed that a judge sitting on an island in the Pacific can issue an order that stops the President of the United States from what appears to be clearly his statutory and constitutional power.” From that statement we can see that he has as much contempt for the Constitution as that malignant growth in the White House who appointed him. He later said it was a joke.
    On May 3rd, Desiree was convicted on both counts: disorderly or disruptive conduct and parading, demonstrating, or picketing. She could face six months to a year in jail. The jury foreman insisted she was not arrested for laughing, but for her disruption as she was being removed. That sounds like a distinction without a difference, so as a public service I am writing this post to caution any of you who might think of laughing at this deformed Keebler elf turned to the dark side. Don’t do it! You could be subject to arrest, fine, or prison. If I say Jeff Sessions is whiter than Mitt Romney in a snowstorm, don’t you dare laugh. I’m doing this for your own good, let me assure you. If I tell you Jeff Sessions isn’t really a racist, he just likes the feeling of walking on blacktop, show some self control.
    I’m going to tell some of the best jokes I could find about this little butt plug. You may think I’m putting you through this out of malice, knowing that you’re not allowed to laugh. Believe me, I’m only trying to build up your immune system, so that when you hear a joke about him in public, you’ll know enough to keep silent. After all, you may have a spouse and a family, and a job you’d like to keep. You don’t want to jeopardize all that, do you? No, no, don’t thank me yet. Wait till you get through the training.
    Why is Jeff Sessions always on the bottom during sex? Because Republicans can only fuck up.
    When did Jeff Sessions get a nipple ring? After hearing George Bush got a Dick Cheney.
    Trump misspoke when he said attacks on Jeff Sessions are a witch hunt. He meant to say Grand Wizard hunt.
    “Saturday Night Live” shouldn’t have portrayed Jeff Sessions as Forrest Gump. Sessions would never hang around with black or disabled people.
    Jeff Sessions is so white he makes vanilla ice cream go “Daaaammnn!” Ooh, did I detect the corners of a smile from someone out there? Don’t worry; it’s still legal to smile.
    He’s so white he makes the Queen look like Queen Latifah.
    He’s so white he makes “Prairie Home Companion” look like a Kendrick Lamar concert.
    He’s so white he makes Michael Jackson look black.
    He’s so white he won’t go shopping on Black Friday.
    He’s so white he gets sunburned by the moon.
    He’s so white he gets a tan standing in front of the TV.
    Did you know Jeff Sessions’ leg moves when you scratch him behind his ears?
    Why shouldn’t Jeff Sessions go swimming? Crackers get soggy when wet.
    Why can’t Jeff Sessions play chess? Because he’s been taught all white pieces are kings.
    Why did Jeff Sessions fail his biology test in high school? Because when the teacher asked him what’s normally found in a cell, he answered, “Black people.”
    What’s the difference between Jeff Sessions and a snake? One is an evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.
    Jeff Sessions’ favorite joke: What’s white on the top and black on the bottom? Society.
    Jeff Sessions confirmed: Yes we Klan!
    Hasan Minhaj was the comic host of this year’s White House Correspondence Dinner. He said Jeff Sessions had wanted to come, but he was doing a pre-Civil War reenactment.
    The late night comics have had their shots, too. Stephen Colbert has referred to him as a forest gnome, and the first baby-grandpa hybrid.
    Seth Meyers offered this one: “After past allegations of racism, Attorney General nominee Jeff Sessions said today, ‘I abhor the Klan and their hateful ideology,’ though he refused to answer the follow-up question, ‘Ku Klux or Wu Tang?’ “
    You are free to enjoy laughing at these jokes, safely in the privacy of your home. And my hope is that you’ll be somehow inoculated, so that if you hear them in public, you’ll know enough to keep quiet. I don’t want anyone getting in trouble. More important, perhaps you’ll come to the realization that there is nothing funny at all about this beady-eyed little peckerhead. Personally, I think we’d all be better off if his father had wasted that load against the wall. He has to be one of the most rancid pieces of fecal material the Republicans have ever vomited out upon the American political landscape. Now he’s ordering judges to go back to maximum sentencing, even for low-level drug offenses, and we know how this affects minorities at about a 4 to 1 ratio to whites. It’s appalling. That such a pathetic and twisted little bed-wetter can come to be the nation’s highest ranking law enforcement officer, must make the Devil himself blush. But at least when God made him a fool, he gave him a fool’s face.

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Republicans’ No Good, Nasty, Very Bad Ideas

Republicans’ No Good, Nasty, Very Bad Ideas

    I have searched my history carefully over the years, and have concluded that the last good Republican idea was 61 years ago, in 1956. It was the official platform for reelection of Eisenhower, and was far to the left of most any Democrat today; you can look it up. Since then, every idea they’ve had has been a bad one, especially for working people. Nixon signing into law the EPA and Clean Water Act? Nope, those were Democratic bills. If you can name even one piece of legislation proposed and passed by Republicans since then that benefitted all Americans, I’d love to hear it. I want to go through their talking points and what each one really means, and I’ll start with taxes, their big bogeyman.
    We’ve got to cut taxes, Americans are paying too many taxes, they’ll say. What they really mean is that billionaires are paying too many taxes. Back about 1980, a Reagan economic adviser named Art Laffer came up with what they thought was a brilliant idea. It was called the Laffer Curve, and it basically said that if you cut taxes on the rich and corporations, it would actually increase government revenues. The more the tax cuts, the greater the revenues, so I suppose zero taxes would lead to infinite revenues. It makes as much sense as the idea that if you want to be taller, you should cut off your head and stand on it. It led George H.W. Bush to call it “voodoo economics when he ran against Reagan in 1980.
    There’s a much deeper agenda behind tax cuts, called “starve the beast.” Cutting taxes brings less revenue, calling for budget cuts, and these cuts are always to social safety net programs that help the poor, who are lazy and unworthy. So Democrats are tagged as “tax and spend liberals” because they believe in spending on infrastructure, schools and hospitals, and programs that help the victims of Republican policies. That’s the purpose of the government, per the Constitution, to “promote the General Welfare” (of its citizens).
    Then there’s the estate tax, which Republican pollster and wordsmith Frank Luntz renamed the Death Tax, in order to demonize it. It only applies to the richest .2%, but the billionaire class, who are the Republicans’ sugar daddies, would like it gone.
    Republican Frankenstein says, “Regulations bad!” They hate regulations almost as much as taxes. To them, regulations hinder business growth, but what they really do is prevent industries from running roughshod over people and the environment. For regulations, try the words consumer protections, because that’s what they are. They protect our air, water, and food, or would if they were enforced. Capitalism and democracy are incompatible, unless it’s tightly regulated. Unregulated capitalism — aka free market fundamentalism — always, ALWAYS, leads to monopolies, and the monopolies are just fine with that.
    The Rule of Law — Oh, they love that one. They’re always talking about the rule of law, and being held accountable for one’s actions. Of course, that rule only applies to minorities and poor people. The banksters who nearly crashed the economy in 2008 have never been held accountable. White collar crime by white people is exempt from the rule of law.
    Republicans have spent decades demonizing the word entitlements, as if they were some kind of welfare program. Their favorite target is Social Security, because they want so desperately to privatize it. Social Security is an insurance program. In fact, FICA stands for Federal Insurance Contributions Act. It’s an insurance program people pay into their entire working lives, so they won’t fall into poverty in old age. And they are god damned well entitled to it. You want an example of what Republicans mean by entitlements? The Capitol Gains tax is an entitlement for people who sit on their asses all day making money with money. They don’t contribute anything to society, but pay half the taxes of the rest of us.
    Immigrants have always been a target to prey upon, now more than ever. But only the colored ones, “Oh, they’re coming here and taking our jobs!” You mean the jobs you won’t do, like picking lettuce in the hot sun for 10-12 hours? Employers love undocumented workers, and depend on them to work for far less wages than Americans. We don’t have an illegal immigrant problem; we have an illegal employer problem. Our piss poor excuse for a president called them murders and rapists, despite the fact that his grandparents and his mother were immigrants, as were two of his wives. That’s different, though, because they’re white. His intensified roundups for deportation (something Obama was also guilty of) is misplaced. If we’re really concerned about national security, then deport white nationalists.
    How many times have you heard Republicans rave about choice? School choice is another term for private charter schools usurping our public education system. Health care choice is really saying you can choose which insurance company you want to be screwed by. Choice breeds competition, they’ll tell you, but when the four or five massive insurance companies collude with each other to keep prices high, well, that shows the need for tight regulation. Yeah, they love choice, unless it applies to a woman having control over her own reproductive system, then Republican Frankenstein says, “Choice bad!”
    These days, Republicans are scrambling to repeal and replace Obamacare. They had seven years to come up with a plan, and when it came time for their moment of glory, it was an epic fail. Why? Because it’s full of bad ideas. Take their idiotic HSAs, health savings accounts. People are supposed to save money so they can pay obscene deductibles. Never mind that a study last year by the Federal Reserve found that 47% of Americans couldn’t raise $400 for an emergency. They don’t HAVE savings accounts. They spend all the little they earn just to keep a roof over their heads. Then there are the high-risk pools for people with pre-existing conditions, to keep costs down for healthy people. What that means is that those who need health care the most can’t get it, or pay through the nose, if they can afford it. Speaker Ryan revealed his colossal ignorance when he said the main problem with Obamacare is that healthy people were paying for the sick ones. Yes, Paul, because that’s how insurance works, you sociopathic ass-hat!
    They also use the weasel word “access,” as in “Every American will have access to health care.” I have access to buy a Lamborghini from a dealership in Seattle. I can’t afford it, but I have access. Trumpcare 2.0 (which I call the Unaffordable Care Act) is bad, and they knew it. That’s why they pushed it through before the CBO, Congressional Budget Office, could score it. After the CBO scored the first try in February, no one would vote for it so they pulled it. At least, Paul Ryan had the nerve to say, “Doing big things is hard.” A Republican telling the truth is as rare as hens’ teeth. The final slap in our face: Congress members and their staff are exempt from all these provisions. By “access” Republicans mean that anyone can go to the Emergency Room and be treated. Yes, if you have a heart attack or gunshot wound. But if you have cancer and can’t afford the chemo, or diabetes and can’t afford insulin, or an unexplained pain that won’t go away, there’s nothing the ER can do. Same thing with follow up care for that heart attack or gunshot wound; the ER isn’t equipped for that. AND, all these ER visits by people with no other choice just adds to everyone else’s premiums. I thought Republicans were so hot about saving money. It’s just another Big Lie, and some of them actually believe it.
    You’ll hear constant preaching from the Right about the evils of federal lands, and how they should be given back to the people. Another word for federal is public. The federal government is holding those public lands apart for all the people, not fossil fool exploiters who want to get in there to drill and frack the place to smithereens.
    Well, if the Republicans’ ideas are so bad, why do they keep winning elections? Because they cheat. They know their ideas suck, so they have to rig the elections to have any chance. Using the phony bugaboo Voter Fraud, they’ve passed voter ID laws designed and intended to keep certain people from voting; minorities, women, the elderly, students, and the poor. These demographics traditionally vote Democratic, and for good reason. There are also voter purges in several Republican-controlled states. You show up to vote, told you’re not on the rolls, and fill out a provisional ballot. It should be called a placebo ballot, because these ballots are not only uncounted, they’re usually thrown away.
    These people don’t give a damn about democracy, and they hate everything America used to stand for. They don’t believe in government, something their sainted Ronald Reagan (curses be upon his name) affirmed when he said government is not the solution, it is the problem. They believe government can’t work, then go on to prove it every time they’re elected. They are liars and hypocrites, anti-life, and are toxic to democracy. I don’t just want them voted out of office, I want them voted out of the country.

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Did You Know?

Did You Know?

    I love learning new things, from the latest scientific discovery to the curiosities that make me say, “Hmm.” For example, in 1865, when Teddy Roosevelt was six years old, he watched the funeral procession of Abraham Lincoln in New York City. I find these things fascinating, like the fact that Harvard University is 155 years older than America, having been founded in 1636. That one amazed me. As a side note, Harvard had only 27 presidents in 371 years, until 2007. In that year Drew Gilpin Faust became the first woman to hold that esteemed position.
    Let’s take another look at the sun and moon. You’ve all seen a full moon, and seen the sun behind some clouds. They look about the same size in the sky. During a total lunar eclipse, the disk of the moon completely covers the disk of the sun for a few moments. Because the moon’s orbit isn’t exactly circular, at times the disk doesn’t completely cover the sun, and you can see the brightness in a circle around it: an anular eclipse. But mostly they’re the same size in the sky. That’s because while the sun’s diameter is 400 times that of the moon, it’s also 400 times farther away. Coincidence or divine plan? Neither, actually. When it was formed from the collision of a Mars-sized body and Earth, it was much closer and rotated. At present it’s gravitationally locked, so that we always see the same face, but we are losing the moon at the rate of several inches per year, so we should enjoy it while we can.
    Did you know that America has a goddess? Her name is Columbia, a feminization of Columbus. Washington, D.C. is in the District of Columbia, the district of the goddess. Since 1863 a statue of her has adorned the top of our nation’s capitol building. There was even a law that no building in the city could be higher that her head. Congress had to grant a waiver in 1885 in order to erect the phallic Washington Monument. Her origins are steeped in myth and lore, but this was the historical and poetic name for the young United States. She appeared on our coins, from the St. Gaudens gold dollar, to the Liberty quarter, to the walking Liberty 50 cent piece until the 1960s. She’s the goddess of liberty and freedom, and her historical antecedents can be found in the English Brittania and the French Marianne, which themselves derive from the Roman goddess Libertas.  After 1920 she was replaced as goddess by the Statue of Liberty, which again reflects the archetype.
    You may not be familiar with the name Marni Nixon, who left us in July of 2016, at the age of 86. She was an excellent singer, with a beautiful and bright tone, and she was a dubbing artist. Do you remember the musical “My Fair Lady?” That wasn’t Audrey Hepburn’s voice, it was Marni Nixon’s. It wasn’t Deborah Kerr singing to Yul Brynner in “The King and I,” it was Marni. And in my favorite musical, “West Side Story,” she dubbed the voice of Natalie Wood and some of Rita Moreno’s songs, as well. Dubbing artists never got royalties, that’s just the way it was then. Marni was the first, and then only because the composer, Leonard Bernstein, ceded some of his own royalties to her.
    I just heard of it recently, though it happened in January, 2016. Sheikh Abdulaziz al-Sheikh, the Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia, made the game of chess forbidden in Islam. He said it “encourages gambling and is a waste of time” (what, as opposed to religion?). He went on to say it is “a cause of hatred and enmity” (what, as opposed to religion?). The fundamentalists of Islam are no different than those of other religions; the idea of anyone having fun just makes them crazy.
    We all remember the missile strike on a Syrian airfield ordered by our Great Leader in response to a chemical weapons attack. Did you know those Tomahawk cruise missiles are manufactured by the defense contractor Raytheon? And did you know that the Blow Dried Blowhard has stock in Raytheon? That wouldn’t represent any conflict of interest or anything, would it, since Raytheon’s stock went up sharply following the strike? Naturally, the first entirely for-profit presidency benefits daughter Ivanka as well. A Washington Post article in April said that Chinese workers who make her clothing line work about 60 hours per week for about $60 a week. That’s a dollar an hour. And we already knew her father’s clothing line is made in a dozen foreign countries. So much for “America First!”
    Have you ever had problems with your shoelaces becoming untied? I have a pair which, no matter how tightly I reef them down, keep coming untied. At last, now we know the science behind this mystery. Mechanical engineers at UC Berkeley studied the problem, and just published a paper on the subject in Nature. They found that when walking, the combination of the impact of the foot and the acceleration on the shoelace loops equals about 7g’s, roughly the same as an Apollo spacecraft upon reentry into the Earth’s atmosphere. Both elements –– foot impact and the whipping motion of the shoelaces — are necessary to the process. So I guess loafers or slip-ons are the way to go.
    I like spiders, and think they’re really cool. Now comes a new joint study at the University of Basel, Switzerland, and Lund University in Sweden, that tells us spiders eat between 400 and 800 million tons of food every year. That’s more than the 287 million tons that are the total weight of the 7 billion humans on the planet. It’s okay, though, as long as we don’t kill all the insects they eat. Then they might get hungry for bigger game.
    Dr. Samuel West’s dream is about to come true. The Museum of Failure is due to open this June in Helsingborg, Sweden. It celebrates the idea that bad ideas are essential to future product innovation. There you will find New Coke (one of the worst ideas ever), Crystal Pepsi, “Trump: the Game,” Sony Betamax, Colgate (yes, the toothpaste company) pizza, Bic for Her, and a Harley-Davidson perfume. Google Glass is there too. West said he first conceived the idea during a visit to the Museum of Broken Relationships, in Croatia. I’m going to predict another future entry, Nordstrom’s Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans, which come pre-caked with dirt and grime, only $425. I assume it’s for folks who want to look like they actually work for a living, without leaving to leave their BMWs.
    A PPP (Public Policy Polling) poll in August, 2016 found that 31% of Trump supporters were in favor of building a wall along the Atlantic coast, to keep Muslims from coming in from the Middle East. That’s why there was a March for Science on Earth Day, April 22nd.
    Have you heard of the Wind Phone? It’s in Otsuchi, Japan. and looks like an English phone booth (think Dr. Who), but is white with glass panes, and a shallow dome on top. It was installed in 2010 by Itaru Sasaki, a 70-year-old gardener, after the death of a close cousin. It is a rotary dial phone, and unconnected. In a documentary by NHK, the Japanese media company, Sasaki said he did it “because my thoughts couldn’t be relayed over a regular phone line. I wanted them to be carried on the wind.” The phone booth sits on a grassy hill overlooking the sea. A year after he put it there, the earthquake and tsunami hit Fukushima. Otsuchi, a village of about 1200, is only 135 miles to the North, and lost over a thousand people to the tsunami. The idea of keeping in touch with dead relatives is not that strange in Japan. Word began to spread, and by 2014 over 10,000 people had visited the shrine, to have their voices carried on the wind.
    That’s a good place to leave off. And you learned a few things that maybe you didn’t know.M/p>

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Understanding Trump Supporters

Understanding Trump Supporters

    I want to begin by stating that not all Trump supporters are deplorables. Hillary Clinton put the number at half, but I think that’s too high. I’d say that racists, bigots, and xenophobes only make up about a third, which roughly matched his approval rating before he bombed Syria. That leaves about 22 million non-deplorables who voted for him. I know some of these people, and in every other respect they appear reasonably sane. Many of them voted twice for Obama, and some of them were even Bernie Sanders supporters before he got screwed by the Democratic Party and the media. How can we account for this?
    First, we should look for similarities. Barack Obama burst onto the scene with his speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention. He seemed different than the political establishment, and in 2008 campaigned that way. He promised hope and change, remember? And then didn’t deliver; it was more of the usual. Bill Clinton was much the same in 1992, coming out of nowhere, promising change. Read the “New Covenant” speech as he gave as he accepted the nomination. They both governed as moderate Republicans, the political establishment. Bernie Sanders came out of nowhere, and promised change, drew huge and enthusiastic crowds, and was shut out of media coverage and party support. Ironically, he was the one candidate who could have delivered change. All these people campaigned as the outsider choice. And so did Donald Trump. So when Bernie was no longer available, they went for the other outsider.
    What’s all this change stuff? Americans may be lethally ignorant, but even they can tell when they’re getting screwed in the ass (there’s a recurring pain and soreness back there). Since the Reagan years, they’ve been working harder and harder, and getting less and less; less pay, less benefits, less health coverage. After being lied to by establishment politicians, they went again for the outsider. The alternative was Hillary; pure establishment, and one of the most polarizing figures in modern political history. She was a lousy candidate and ran a terrible campaign. She should have been able to beat a chump like Trump with one pantsuit leg tied behind her back. But the electorate was in a foul mood, and they went for the wild card, the Joker. They were Charlie Brown running up to kick the football, and Lucy jerked it away, and down went on his ass, again. And that’s where America is now, flat on her ass. It’s tempting for progressives to look down on these people. I mean, how could anyone in their right mind possibly vote for such a train wreck? One pundit used the metaphor of Trump being the electorate’s Molotov cocktail.
    Arlie Russell Hochshild is a professor emeriti in sociology at UC Berkeley. She thought she could only get to understand the minds of Middle America by meeting and talking to them. After five years in Louisiana (“I wanted the reddest state I could find,” she said), in something like 60 conversations with 40 people, she ended up writing a book: Strangers inTheir Own Land: Anger and Mourning on the American Right. She talks about a “deep story,” meaning as-if-were-true, these people tell themselves, in the form of a metaphor. They’ve worked hard all their life, did all the right things, obeyed the rules, and now they’re standing in a long line. The line leads to the horizon, which is the American Dream. But other people keep cutting in line; women taking what were formerly men’s jobs, minorities getting advantages from the government in the form of affirmative action, immigrants coming from South of the border taking way jobs. And the President seems to be waving them in. Hey, how did he get from being raised by a single mother to Columbia Law School? He must have cut into the line himself. And he seems to be on the side of the “other” line cutters.
    This is a powerful narrative. Did I mention these are mostly white people? I would have thought it was obvious. They are fed up with political correctness: “You can’t even say Merry Christmas any more,” they’ll say. They don’t like the idea of having to take government handouts like food stamps and unemployment. They want honest work for honest pay. Hochshild makes lots of good points I think we can all identify with. I grew up in a small town in Wyoming. That’s as red a state as it gets, too. Sure, there were some racists and some jackasses, too. Most of them didn’t have a college education, and many didn’t keep up with current news or politics that didn’t affect them. But they were honest, hard-working people you could be proud to have as neighbors.
    Matt Taibbi is an excellent political writer for The Rolling Stone. I’ve been reading him for years, and just finished his latest book: Insane Clown President, about the Trump Campaign. He writes about how Democrats, traditional supporters of the working class, abandoned them for the banksters. With the weakening of the unions and their funding, they turned to Wall Street. They began courting the professional class; teachers, doctors, attorneys, and the like. In doing so, from once being the party of Allentown, PA, or Camden, NJ, they became the party of Martha’s Vineyard. Democrats are largely responsible for Trump being elected. Bernie was the people’s candidate with the most progressive agenda. If the party had gotten behind him, it would have been a wave election, and we would easily have regained the Senate, if not the House. But no, they went for Hillary — after all, it was her turn, she was somehow entitled to the nomination.
    Look up an electoral map of the last election, or most any of them. The blue states are in the Northeast and along the Pacific coast. With but few exceptions, everything in the middle is red. These people see themselves referred to by the media as “flyover states.” They’re mocked, ridiculed, and laughed at. No wonder they see the media as elites, part of the establishment, and they are correct. Everyone you see on the mass media, whether it’s CNN, ABC, or even Fox, are all millionaires. The status quo is just fine with them; it keeps them well-fed and happy. They don’t care any more about Middle America than the politicians. Through all his divisive, hate-filled campaign, Trump did get one thing right — the system is rigged, and it’s rigged against poor and working people. And that’s why so many otherwise intelligent people voted for this con man. It was out of desperation. Maybe this time, they thought, or made themselves think. You want proof the system is rigged? Bernie Sanders is not President of the United States right now. Americans are figuring out that the media is part of the rigged system.
    It’s not just a matter of left and right, either. Many Middle Americans bristle at city folks. Look again at that electoral map. Nearly all the blue areas are in the large concentrations of big cities on the coasts. There’s resentment of city people by those in rural areas, who believe they’ve been ignored; by the government, by politicians, and by the media, all of whom are big city dwellers who are out of touch with the “real” people. So during the election we heard people saying, “We don’t have a voice anymore, and Donald Trump is giving us a voice.” And that feeling was so strong that millions of voters were willing, even if reluctantly, to ignore this man’s bigotry, racism, and his treatment of women. That’s how we got stuck with a lying, temperamental child in the Oval Office. Now let us hope that the price of our collective stupidity doesn’t end up getting us all killed.

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Science Marches On

Science Marches On

(dedicated to William Fassbender, my high school science teacher)

    Saturday, April 22, was Earth Day (unfortunately, she’s lucky to even get one day), and in conjunction with it was the March For Science in Washington, D.C. Worldwide, up to 500 cities participated with marches of their own. It had been planned for months in response to the Trump administration’s anti-science agenda. The President’s budget plan calls for a 31% cut in the EPA, 21% to the Dept. of Agriculture, 18% to the National Institute of Health, billions in cuts to NOAA, the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, and cuts to funding for NASA’s weather satellites, to mention a few. We have seen by Trump’s cabinet appointments, as well as statements from the White House, that the agenda is to severely curtail regulations meant to keep all Americans healthy and safe from environmental hazards. Think of “regulations” as protections. Scientists aren’t usually political, but they can see the peril we’re in better than most of us. As Rockefeller University neurologist Erich Jarvis said, “You know something is wrong when people around the world must protest for science.” Indeed. Of all the times in history, for the world leader in climate research and innovation to embrace alternative facts and belief in Bronze Age superstition couldn’t possibly have come at a worse time.
    This wasn’t just a march for science, but for reason and sanity. America has currently backslid into a Dark Age of irrationality, and along with it distrust for pointy-headed scientists who think they know everything. That isn’t true, but it is the perception. It’s been fed by propaganda from the fossil fool industry and the billionaire class, who want to loot and plunder the only home we have, for profit. For them to succeed they need science to be ignored, if not silenced.
    Since a march for science is by “nature” replete with nerds, clever signage was to be expected. They did not disappoint.
    “Science not silence”
    “In science we trust”
    “Science >(symbol for greater than) shit you read on Twitter”
    “Got plague? Me, neither. Thanks, science!”
    “Alternative facts are (square root of -1, an imaginary number). I first heard about this in high school, and we’d go around saying, “Once upon a time there was the square root of -1.”
    [citation needed] — Another in-joke. Many criticized the smugness and superiority they felt from these arrogant know-it-alls. True or not, it has nothing to do with the science.
    “Trump’s people are like atoms. They make up everything.”
    “Grab ‘em by the data”
    “No science, no beer”
    “The oceans are rising, and so are we”
    “Alternative energy = jobs. Alternative facts = lies”
    “Think while it’s still legal”
    “Physics makes the world go round”
    I loved this one: “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate”
    “Dear climate: you have changed”
    “May the forest be with you”
    Santa Claus was at the D.C. march, too, with a sign: “My workshop is MELTING. Only science can save Christmas”
    “Up and atom (with symbol of atom). It’s time to march for science”
    “Time to react” (with Erlenmeyer flask bubbling)
    “Defiance for science”
    “Trump doesn’t believe in climate change because he can’t imagine anything hotter than his daughter” Ouch.
    There were several signs with photos of Earth from space. One said “I’m with her,” another admonished us to “Listen to your Mother,” while another was “Defend not defund”
    “Trump — Peer Reviewed Imbecile”
    “Make the Barrier Reef Great Again”
    “They told me to bring a sine” (with picture of a sine wave)
    My favorite of all was, “What do we want? Evidence based science! When do we want it? After peer review!”
    I went to the march in my hometown, a little disappointed in the turnout — maybe 70 people for a city of 200,000. My sign was a parody of the Christian fish symbol. Down by the tail it also had rocket fins, and inside was the word SCIENCE. There were as many women as men, and many children, a good sign. Afterward, I was talking to several people, and a young lady in her twenties came up and asked about my sign. I explained that it represented science over belief systems, and we talked for awhile. She’s in her third year, majoring in cultural anthropology. Since there’s no area of science that I’m not passionate about, I asked if she was aware of the many recent discoveries about Neanderthals, as we talked more. Finally, I told her my name and she told me hers: Sagan. I said “No way! You mean . . .” and she said “Yes, Carl Sagan.” So I had little choice but to do my excellent Carl Sagan impersonation for her.
    I watched hours of coverage from D.C. on YouTube, while tweets appeared on the screen. One that caught my eye: “I was planning to come to the march, but my horoscope says that Mercury is in retrograde [which it is].” Again, gender numbers were pretty equal, with lots of children. This is even more important to them, after all. Did the marches accomplish anything, other than making people feel good about themselves? It’s too soon to tell, and many other scientists criticized the idea, saying that science shouldn’t get involved in politics. I disagree. Everything is political now. Eating is a political act, says Michael Pollan. If you care about GMOs or pesticide use, that’s political. That’s why last Saturday was another event — the People’s Climate March, also centered in D.C. but also worldwide.
    One sign said “Make America smart again.” I remember when the Russians sent up Sputnik in 1957, and we all freaked out. What followed — under a Republican President — was an all-out push for science, engineering, technology, and math, what we refer to today as STEM. It seemed like everyone in college was either in the sciences or engineering. Back then, believe it or not, it was really cool to be smart. Now we have a President who is one of the stupidest sons of bitches I’ve ever seen, who doesn’t read, isn’t curious, unable to form a coherent sentence, and clearly places his own self interest above the country. And we have a Vice President who is a raving Christo-fascist. Speaking truth to power is all we have left. That’s what Galileo did, and by the way, it took the Roman Catholic Church 400 years before they finally apologized.
    Science is an imperfect study, and scientists are themselves imperfect. Are they morally responsible if so many of their discoveries are weaponized? Maybe that’s for philosophers to debate. Like any other profession, science has its hierarchies and a stubborn orthodoxy. When one climate scientist’s data showed that climate change has not increased the severity and numbers of hurricanes as had been predicted, he was vilified by much of the scientific community as a climate denier. Science shouldn’t be thought of as a set of facts, but an ongoing search for truth. Don’t be fooled by criticisms that scientists won’t debate with flat-earthers. That’s called false equivalence; it’s like having a firefighter debate an arsonist. Science is grounded in reason, and reason demands questioning, whether it be of ideas or authority.
    Perhaps another sign sums up my own feelings: “Don’t trust scientists? Then return your smartphone, Wi-Fi, GPS, microwave, weather forecasts and storm warnings, TV, radio, MRI, the internet, electric lighting, antibiotics, satellites, cars, trains, and airplanes.”
 
    Science is basically an inoculation against charlatans. — Neil deGrasse Tyson

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America Has a Koch Problem

America Has a Koch Problem

    This country has been the victim of a slow-motion corporate coup, by not only the Koch brothers but other billionaires with the same anti-government agenda. Charles and David Koch are America’s 5th and 6th richest people, each worth about $50 billion. Koch Industries is the nation’s 2nd largest privately held corporation (Cargill is #1). If you use paper products by Georgia-Pacific, Brawny paper towels, Great Northern quilted toilet tissue, you’re putting more money in their pockets. They are also huge funders of Americans for Prosperity, Freedom Partners, the State Policy Network, and ALEC, the American Legislative Executive Council. ALEC is a group of lobbyists and legislators (nearly all Republicans) who craft bills ready to introduce. They’re the ones behind all those voter ID laws, and now new ones being introduced in 18 states, that would criminalize peaceful protest. That’s the very definition of fascism, the merger of state and corporations. Their tentacles reach so far and wide it’s known as the Kochtopus.
    Look again at the new Cabinet. Betsy DeVos, the billionaire advocate of private charter schools and the end of public education, heads the Dept. of Education. Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions III, Alabama racist supreme heads the Dept of Justice. Greg Pruitt, who has sued the EPA 14 times, now heads that agency, and look at all the regulations being done away with already. Then there’s Rick Perry to head the Energy Dept. Perry, who doesn’t even know which end the bullet comes out from, didn’t even know the agency’s first priority is to monitor the nation’s nuclear arsenal. The list goes on and on. Now think about what de facto president Steve Bannon said publicly at the conservative CPAC convention in February, that their goal is “deconstruction of the administrative state.” That means the end of Social Security, Medicare, food stamps, the IRS (libertarians hate taxes), the EPA, FDA, and everything else but police, courts, and the military. This has been a long term dream for the fascists, and I’ll give them this; they do know how to play the long game. In 1980 David Koch ran as VP candidate for the Libertarian Party’s quest for the presidency. I’m going to list some items from the official party platform, which you can easily find. I want you to see how much of it sounds like what is happening now, and what is about to happen.

    We urge the repeal of federal campaign finance laws and the immediate abolition of the despotic Federal Elections Commission.
    We favor the abolition of the Medicare and Medicaid programs.
    We also favor the deregulation of the medical insurance industry.
    We favor the repeal of the fraudulent, virtually bankrupt, and increasingly oppressive Social Security system. Pending that repeal, participation in it should be made voluntary.
    We propose the abolition of the government Postal Service. Pending abolition, we call for an end to the monopoly system and for allowing free competition in all aspects of postal service.
    We oppose all personal and corporate income taxation, including capital gains taxes.
    We advocate the complete separation of education and state. Government schools lead to the indoctrination of children and interfere with the free choice of individuals. Government ownership, operation, regulation, and subsidy of schools and colleges should be ended.
    We support the abolition of the Environmental Pollution Agency.
    We support the abolition of the Department of Energy.
    We advocate the abolition of the Federal Aviation Agency.
    We support an end to all subsidies for child-bearing built into our present laws, including all welfare plans and the provision of tax-supported services for children.
    We advocate the abolition of the Food and Drug Administration.
    We oppose all government welfare, relief projects, and “aid to the poor” programs. All these government programs are privacy-invading, paternalistic, demeaning, and inefficient. The proper source of help for such persons is the voluntary efforts of private groups and individuals.
    We call for the repeal of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration.
    We call for the abolition of the Consumer Product Safety Commission.
    We call for the dissolution of all government agencies concerned with transportation, including the Department of Transportation.
    We support repeal of all law which impedes the ability of any person to find employment, such as minimum wage laws and unemployment insurance.

    Grover Norquist has long ties with the Kochs. He runs Americans for Tax Reform, which demands all Republicans sign the pledge to never raise taxes of face a primary challenge in the next election. He’s famous for saying he wants to shrink government to the size where it can be drowned in the bathtub. He has also said, as regards the presidency, “All we need is someone who can handle a pen,” a useful idiot. And you’d be hard-pressed to find a more useful and idiotic president than this pussy grabber-in-chief. Ironically, he wasn’t even backed by the Koch brothers, who in the spring of 2015 brazenly announced they were going to sink $889 million into the general election. At one point they even said they may back Hillary rather than Trump. And when the Republicans’ replacement bill for health care was about to be voted on in the House, the Kochs promised members of the Freedom Caucus (formerly the Tea Party Caucus) that if they didn’t vote for the bill, the Kochs would fund their reelection campaigns in seven figure amounts. The bill wasn’t severe enough for them.
    But Trump doesn’t need the Kochs. He has his own billionaire sugar daddy, Robert Mercer, another secretive, high-functioning psychopath. Mercer made his fortune by revolutionizing computational linguistics and using it in hedge funds. He’s a major funder of Cambridge Analytica, a big voter data mining operation. Though he doesn’t give interviews, Mercer has said that anyone on welfare represents a “negative asset” and that someone making 1000 times the salary of a teacher has 1000 times the value. The clinical language in reference to the needy is typical of the sociopathic personality.
    After Andrew Breitbart died in 2012, Steve Bannon took over Breitbart News, and Mercer donated $10 million to rejuvenate the site.. Today it’s the primary alt-Right website, and the 29th largest website in the U.S.by traffic usage. His daughter Rebekkah is one of Trump’s White House policy advisors. Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s spokesbimbo, formerly ran one of Mercer’s Super PACs, when he was still supporting Ted Cruz.
    The point is that the Kochs, Mercers, and other billionaire pillagers of the economy like Paul “the Vulture” Singer, Sheldon Adelson, Harold Hamm, Peter G. Petersen, have the same ultimate goal: rendering government impotent to protect the people from their predations. That poor man dragged off a United Airlines because they’d overbooked? That’s how all corporations can treat us, without federal regulations to contain them. And now they’re holding all the cards. This would all be bad enough by itself, but wait — it gets even worse. You need to know about something called the convention of states. Since that first constitutional convention in 1787, when the founders drew up the original document with the first ten amendments — The Bill of Rights — every new amendment was drafted and passed by the House and Senate, by the required 2/3 vote. Then ¾ of the states, or 38, would have to ratify it. But Article V mentions another way to pass amendments — by a convention of the states. Again, a 2/3 vote would be required, or 34 states. Congress is not involved, but any amendment must again be ratified by 38 states. Right now Republicans have control of both legislatures in 32 states. They only need two more. Governors don’t come into it at all, neither does Congress.
    This is what the Kochs have been working on for decades, between funding of both ALEC and the State Policy Initiative. The long term goal is to change the Constitution. For example, the stats could abolish the First Amendment, guaranteeing freedom of the press and of the people to freely assemble. They could abolish the 4th, which guarantees us freedom from unwarranted searches and seizures, though one could say that one’s pretty much gone, anyway. They could do whatever they wanted. By the time this convention of states happens, I can assure you they will have the 38 states needed to ratify. If we are going to stop this creeping fascism, we’re going to have to get active on many levels. I’m not sure it will do any good, but all we have left to fight with is massive civil disobedience. It’s an inconvenient truth, but no authoritarian government has ever given up power without bloodshed. I hope it won’t come to that, but I’m pretty sure it will. These kinds of tyrannies never last, because people refuse to be treated like rubbish. But they always do a lot of damage before they fall. Here’s an idea: maybe those 91 million Americans who sat on their fat asses instead of voting last November can get a little more involved next time.

    Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

— John F. Kennedy, 1962

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Some Positive Aspects of Trumpageddon

Some Positive Aspects of Trumpageddon

    Our world is in turmoil as never before; civil wars, Islamic terrorism, global warming, Wall Street and world bankers’ unregulated piracy threatening to collapse the global economy. What wise and visionary leader will come forth to usher our nation and the world into a new age so full of potential, and yet so fraught with danger? But what did we get? Trump — the sound of shit dropping into a bucket. That can’t be right. I thought humans had an innate instinct for self-preservation. This is even worse than putting a gun to our heads and pulling the trigger, because we’re still here (at least for now). If anyone had any lingering doubts that America is the stupidest country in history, we just made an obese, petulant, mentally unhinged child narcissist the most powerful man in the world. What could possibly go wrong? So far, just about everything. The first Muslim ban, the botched Yemen raid, the second Muslim ban, the epic failure of the repeal and replacement of the Affordable Care Act; everything this orange clown touches turns to shit. He’s the antithesis of King Midas. Many people are worried, and with good reason, about the effects the Trump presidency will have on the nation, not to mention all life on Earth. It’s so easy to get so caught up in despair and cynicism that we miss the good things this colossal train wreck will bring. I hope to ease your minds with the many positive aspects of our present situation.
    The week before the inauguration, sales of poster boards and paint markers (for making protest signs) increased by 30%. Every indication shows that while this orangutan’s ass remains in power, there will be more and more protests. This will necessitate creating new jobs in those industries in order to keep up with consumer demand.
    At least, Hillary isn’t President!
    So far, every policy this administration has put forth has ended with an unmitigated disaster. In nearly every case, this has been good for the country. So be of good cheer.
    Now that the Republicans control the House, the Senate, and the White House, they’ll no longer have any excuse for sitting on their fat asses while not being able to get anything done. Again, this is good for the country, because whenever they do accomplish anything, it’s usually bad for most Americans.
    After years of politically correct oppression by the left, we can all say “Merry Christmas” again. In fact, it will be mandatory.
    Trump is going to make America great again. Isn’t that great?
    His presidency will make us appreciate how great it was to have a real president, like Barack Obama, who actually knew what the hell he was doing.
    We’ll all be able to spend more time with our children, because they’ll be working right alongside us down in the coal mines. I wonder, how long does it take a 10-year-old to develop black lung? But then, that can’t happen with “clean” coal, can it?
    Stop worrying about the environment; Trump is going to replace it with something really terrific. Now that he’s exposed climate change as a hoax, we can get back to what we do best — tearing up the earth for fossil fuels. At the same time, we can finally put an end to that scourge of the Arctic, the polar bear (they eat people!). Nor do we have to worry about rising sea levels, because Noah is coming back with a really big-ass ark. And you know what they say — a rising sea level lifts all arks. Plus, if you always wanted a house on the water, your dream could come true in just a few years, even if you live in Kansas.
    Since we now have an admitted, unregistered sexual offender in the White House, it will legitimize sexual assault in the minds of many men. As a result, this will lead to an increase in women taking self-defense courses, which in turn will lead to positive “impacts” in some hopefully very sensitive areas of the male anatomy. They all have it coming.
    All crime will be a thing of the past, because he’s going to bring back law and order, by God. Well, of course not for white people — I mean, c’mon!
    Now that corporate taxes will be reduced from 35% to 15%, think of all the jobs they’ll create! Well, there’s always a first time.
    Always remember, bullshit is the best fertilizer.
    Now that the Republican plan to repeal and replace Obamacare has died from a pre-existing condition (everybody hated it), 24 million Americans will still have health care (thanks, Tea Party Caucus for voting against it because it wasn’t mean enough).  It will also allow the Republicans to focus on other key issues, such as giving more tax cuts to the rich, and finding new female body parts to regulate.
    At long last, Republicans can realize their dream of helping Americans to realize their full individual potential, by stopping the government from giving money and social services to people who really need it. You’re on your own, folks.
    This means that many Trump voters are about to get educated on what it feels like to be screwed with their pants on, and more education is always good. Also, Democrats are going to gain a lot of voters in the next election, presuming there is one.
    Because facts will no longer matter, everyone will have the freedom to believe any cockamamie idea or conspiracy theory they find on the internet.
    Evangelists almost universally voted for this morally bankrupt obscenity that is now prowling around the White House, proving to everyone what shameless hypocrites they’ve always been.
    Thanks to Twitter, every American can always know exactly what their President is thinking at any time, especially around 3:00 a.m.
    Every time the President of the Small Men’s Penis Club says something, either on camera or on Twitter, we’ll all get to feel just a little smarter.
    We won’t have to take any more shit from China, except for Trump’s and Ivanka’s clothing lines. Oh, and our smartphones. And all the cheap crap at Walmart.
    If you live in America, and you’re Muslim, Jewish, Asian, have black or brown skin, are an immigrant or refugee, or belong to the LGBTQ community, I have good news: Canada isn’t far away. It’s a friendly, inclusive country, where you’ll have the best chance of achieving the American Dream.
    Trump’s candidacy, which led to his becoming the most powerful man in the world, will be an inspiration to pathological liars, sexual predators, and psychopaths everywhere.
    Even if the worst happens, and the Mango Megalomaniac thrusts us all into a thermonuclear war that ends all life as we know it, well, it’ll be over before we even know it.
    The as-seen-on-TV President, as well as Americans as a whole, are bringing the gift of laughter to all the world, and laughter is good for everyone, isn’t it? Note: they are not laughing with us.
    So you see, we should always look on the bright side. Remember, it’s always darkest before the dawn, and every cloud has a mercury lining (CAUTION: mercury is toxic to all living things).

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