Binky Goes Abroad
The still-President-for-now just took his first trip abroad (Whoa — did somebody just say a broad? Take it easy, Binky). He hadn’t wanted to go at all, then he wanted the nine day trip shortened to five. At any rate, he was off to visit Saudi Arabia, then Israel, then Rome. In doing so he would be paying tribute to the world’s three great faiths: Judaism, Christianity, and Oil — I mean Islam. Then he was to attend and speak to NATO. One NATO official said they were “bracing for impact.” Reuters reported that security officials were told to include his name as often as possible in his briefings, because “he keeps reading if he’s mentioned.” In short, Europe and the Middle East were being childproofed. The White House put out a paper outlining his goals, and one bullet point said “Promote the possibility of lasting peach.” Could that have been a Freudian slip because the word “impeachment” has been used so often lately?
His first stop was to give a speech on Islam to the Saudis. I know, that sounds funny to me, too. I wonder if the Saudis remembered what he said during the campaign, that Saudi Arabia should be banned from exporting oil to the U.S. He had also accused them of masterminding the 9/11 attacks (well, 15 of the 19 hijackers were Saudis), killing gay people, and enslaving women. In his speech he never used the words “radical Islamic terrorism,” the phrase he often accused Obama for not saying. But he did make a faux pas when he said “Islamic” extremism instead of “Islamist.” There’s subtle but important difference. Islamist infers that it’s a bastardization of Islam, whereas Islamic suggests it’s an integral part of Islam. The White House said it was because the President “was really exhausted.” Already? On the first day? Remember that debate with Hillary, when he said, “I don’t believe she does have the STAMina,” that’s how he said it, “To be President of this country you need tremendous STAMina.”. Of course she made about 200 overseas trips, and all without stamina! The Saudis weren’t offended, though. How could they be when they were about to accept a massive $110 billion arms deal from us? For that kind of money, decorum can be set aside. He also said in the speech, “. . . and we’ll be sure to give our Saudi friends a good deal from our great American defense companies.” Hey, isn’t he supposed to working for us? Overall, he got the warmest reception from the real #1 sponsor of terrorism, and he must have really loved a country that treats women even worse than he does.
The most bizarre part of the visit was when he participated in a ceremony, akin to a ribbon-cutting, to open the Global Center for Combating Extremist Ideology. The room was darkened as Egyptian President el-Sisi, King Salman, and Trump placed their hands on a glowing white orb. It was like something right out of a Marvel Comics super villains story.
Commerce Secretary and Mr. Magoo lookalike Wilbur Ross was there, too, and said he was amazed that he never saw a single protester. Someone should inform him that the penalty for dissent is beheading. They do it every Friday right after prayers. Earlier, during Trump’s speech, Ross had nodded off, making him the first person to get any sleep since Trump was elected. Later, Trump participated in some kind of penis sword dance, but he didn’t look that much more awkward than most white man trying to dance.
Then it was off to Israel. As he and Melania are walking on the tarmac, he reached back his hand for hers. And she lightly smacked it away. The video went viral. So he greeted Israeli PM Netanyahu, saying “We just got back from the Middle East.” Apparently he is unaware of Israel’s precise location. When he shook hands with Netanyahu he did his power hand shake, pulling Bibi’s hand to his chest and not letting go. Bibi was looking around, like what the hell is with this guy? They visited Yad Vashem, Israel’s principal Holocaust memorial. His visit was short, and he didn’t take the museum tour, but wrote in the guest book, “It is a great honor to be here with all my friends – so amazing and will Never Forget!” I guess by capitalizing the last two words he sanctified his messge. It reminded me of Justin Bieber visiting the Anne Frank Memorial, and writing in the guest book. “Anne was a great girl. I think she would have been a Belieber.” Later, speaking at the King David Hotel, the Doofus described the Arab feeling toward Israel as “really very positive,” proving once again, as if it needed proving, that he is completely delusional. He had also planned to visit Masada, another holy sight where hundreds of Jews martyred themselves rather than give in to the Romans. After being told that landing his helicopter on top of the monument wasn’t allowed, and that he’d have to use the cable car like everyone else, he canceled the trip. He did learn one thing; he can’t take out a loan from the West Bank.
The next stop was Rome, where at the top of the stairs coming off the plane, he reached again for Melania’s hand. As he touched it she brought it up instantly to brush her hair. I think there’s trouble in Paradise. I now think when Melania said she wants to stay at Trump Tower until Barron is out of school, she meant until he gets his doctorate. So there they were; His Biglyness and His Holiness. There was no Alpha male handshake. Ivanka and Melania, both dressed in black (?), were there, too. You’ve seen many photos of this Popo; he’s always smiling, isn’t he? Not here. The photograph of the four shows him with a truly morose expression. They spoke for half an hour, and as they were beginning to walk out, the Pope leaned over to Melania and asked: “What do you give him to eat, Potizza?” That’s a very rich, high-calorie Slovenian desert. A very subtle fat-shame from the Pope.
Then it was on to Brussels, and the NATO summit. Thousands were protesting outside the headquarters. They remember Trump calling Brussels “a hellhole” during the campaign. NATO was prepared, having urged officials to keep talks with him between two and four minutes, so as not to tax Trump’s notoriously short attention span. It was here where I began to have some admiration for the newly-elected French President, Emmanuel Macron. This guy is pretty cool. He and another dignitary are walking toward Trump, Angela Merkel, and a flock of other dignitaries. Trump is dead ahead, but at the last minute Macron veers right and greets Merkel, then shakes hands with a couple others. He turns to shake with Trump, who tries the Alpha male shit again, trying to pull Macron off balance. But Macron had adapted Canadian PM Trudeau’s tactic of putting his other hand on Trump’s arm. Then came Binky the Bald’s address to NATO, where he scolded them (again) for not ponying up their protection money. This fat asshole couldn’t find the word “class” in a dictionary. After the speech was another very telling moment, as Trump was pretty much left on his own as the other world leaders mingled with each other, talking and laughing.
But my favorite moment of the whole trip was where he and Macron were seated, cameras rolling, while Trump was praising Macron’s victory. He reached out for the handshake and Macron grabbed his hand like a vice, holding it for seven seconds. You can see the knuckles of Trump’s hand turn white. If you watch the video carefully — and please allow yourself the pleasure — you can see Trump try to break off once, then on the second effort pulls his hand free. It was a magnificent example of how to deal with a bully.
There’s another viral video from that summit. Trump and some other NATO officials are walking towards a photo op, and Trump reaches out and pushes the Prime Minister of Montenegro aside to get to the front (“Out of my way, you negro”). Then he adjusts his suit, puffs his chest out like a big ol’ rooster, and looks around. Mr. Alpha male. Mr. Ass-hat. Every time I think I couldn’t possibly be more repulsed by this braying jackass, he raises the bar of boorishness yet again.
Just one more stop, at Taormina Sicily, for the G7 Summit. And here occurred the sad metaphor of this man and his fake presidency. The leaders had finished an event at an amphitheater, and were walking together some 700 meters (about a half mile) to a piazza. Well, six of them were walking. Trump followed behind in an electric golf cart. I guess he must have run out of STAMina, or something. But what else could we expect? He admits he never exercises. He believes the body is like a battery and only has a finite amount of energy, which exercise depletes. And he eats junk food, which is just the thing for junk thought.
We missed a big opportunity these last nine days. We should have changed all the locks while he was gone. Now he’s back; the creature is once again amongst us. Having alienated nearly all of our European allies, the Mango Mussolini retured triumphant. Press Secretary said it was a “historically successful” trip, but then, they are living in their own reality. The next day, Angela Merkel spoke in Munich, saying, “The times in which we could completely depend on others are to a certain degree over. I’ve experienced that in the last few days.” I think it’s pretty clear to whom she referred.