Future News — The Last President

Future News — The Last President

    WNYX News, Wed, Nov. 9, 2016 — “This is Jake Brock at JFK Airport in New York, and the scene here is the same as in airports nationwide.  Thousands of people trying to get out of the country have bogged down security lines everywhere.  It’s absolute chaos.  The rush began last night as soon as the election results were confirmed:  Donald J. Trump had been elected President of the United States.  For the latest in business news we go to Buzz Murdock.  Buzz, what’s happening?”
    “Well, Jake, the stock market opened this morning 5000 points down, and has continued to plunge.  Let’s see, the NYSE is at 6700 now, down over 10,000 points since last night.  Lots of people are being talked off ledges right now, I would imagine.”
    “Thanks, Buzz.  That doesn’t sound good.  A potentially bigger problem is going on in the major cities, as traffic out of metropolitan areas is at a standstill.  And freeways North and South, to Canada and Mexico, are becoming clogged.”  President-elect Trump held a press conference this morning, but took no questions.  He reassured the public, saying ‘Don’t worry, folks, everything’s gonna be great!  We’re gonna make America great again, okay?’ “
    “Meanwhile, Americans abroad have been facing ridicule and even attacked.  Many have been plastering maple leaf flags on their luggage and claiming to be Canadians.”
    WNYX News, Fri, Jan. 20, 2017 — “This is Sarah Brandywine at WNYX News.  This morning, Donald J. Trump was sworn in as the nation’s 45th President.  Here are a few remarks from his Inaugural Address:”
    “First of all, I want to say what a tremendous honor it is to be here today, in my own presence.  Tremendous honor.  This is great, isn’t it?  We’re going to make America great again!  Isn’t that great?  I have a really, really great brain, and I say lots of things.  We must stop Islamic extremists from entering the country.  We have enough extremists, already, okay?  And don’t worry about the stock market, I’ll take care of that.  Things are going to be different from now on, believe me.  I can tell you one thing:  I’m definitely gonna settle some old scores, if you know what I mean.”
    “Now we have a special report from Jake Brock, in Blaine, Washington.  Jake?”
    “Thanks, Sarah.  Blaine is one of the border crossings into British Columbia, Canada.  And as with all of these crossings on both the Mexican and Canadian borders, there is chaos and confusion.  Lines hundreds of miles long, cars out of gas or broken down at the side of the road and people carrying what they can, it’s a terrible sight.  None of these people brought anything in the way of food or water to last weeks, or even months.  There have been dozens of deaths, police and emergency services struggle to get to the victims.  The United Nations is calling it an international humanitarian crisis.  Even worse, both Canada and Mexico have begun building walls along their borders.  And there are even rumors that those governments would ask the U.S. to pay for them!”
    WNYX News, Sat, Jan. 21, 2017 — “This is Erin Blonsky in Washington, D.C.  This morning, on the first day in office, President Donald Trump issued a record 62 Executive Orders.  Among them, one to allow guns in all churches and classrooms, one banning Muslims from entering the U.S., one banning all Trump impersonations, it’s quite a list.”
    “Erin, this is Sarah back at the studio.  Didn’t the President also file a lawsuit against The Washington Post?” 
    “Not just the Post, Sarah.  He’s also filed suits against The New York Times, CNN, MSNBC, and the Thom Hartmann radio program.  As he said during his campaign, the President plans to, as new Press Secretary Sidney Roth says, ‘vigorously pursue action against journalists who distort and misrepresent his views.’ “
    “Erin, you just said new Press Secretary.  What happened to Bill Willikers?”
    “Bill was fired early this morning.  Somewhere around the 20th Executive Order, the President was overheard screaming that he was tired of being told what he can’t do.”
    WNYX News, Mon, Jan. 23, 2017 — Presidential Press Conference, the White House, 8:15 A.M., EST.  The President:  “Good Evening, my fellow Americans.  I wanted to inform you personally of my latest directive, regarding radical Islamic terrorism.  Beginning March 1st, all Muslims residing in the United States will be required to display a pink crescent patch on their persons, homes, automobiles, and businesses.  This is only a temporary measure, I assure you, until we figure out what the hell is going on.  At the same time, I have people working on a final solution to the Muslim problem.  I am taking no questions.  Thank you very much, and oh, what? Oh, right.  And God bless America.”
    WNYX News, Tue, Jan. 24, 2017 — “This is Sarah Brandywine in New York.  Today was the latest in a long line of violent incidents in numerous protests near the White House.  We go to Doug Tindal in Washington D.C.  Doug?”
    “Thanks, Sarah.  Just half an hour ago, protesters here were attacked by Trump supporters who call themselves Whiteshirts.  They wear white shirts with a black armband emblazoned with a gold ‘T.’  They waded into the protesters with clubs, batons, and pepper spray.  There were dozens of injured taken away, but we’ve been unable to determine whether they left in ambulances or police vans.  The press is confined to ‘free press zones,’ often far from the action, so it’s difficult to get a handle on what’s going on.”
    “Bill, do we know anything about these Whiteshirts?”
    “Only that they say they’re volunteers who love America.”
    “Okay, thank you, Bill.  In other news, installation began today of an eighty-foot gold ‘T’ to be placed on top of the White House.  It will be floodlit at night.”
    WNYX News, Mon, Jan 30, 2017 — “Sarah Brandywine, WYNX News, New York.  Erin Brodsky is reporting from the White House, where Chinese President Xi Jinping and his party were greeted prior to a state dinner.  Erin, what happened?”
    “Well, Sarah, it’s all hard to believe.  As President Trump shook the Chinese President’s hand he said, ‘You guys have been eating our lunch on trade for 40 years, and now I bet you think we’re gonna throw some big state dinner for you?  You’ll be lucky if we take you to McDonald’s, and you’re buying!’  It really started things off on a sour note, but when Secretary of State Hulk Hogan body slammed the Chinese Ambassador, the entire delegation stormed out.  I’ve never seen anything like this before, Sarah.”
    “Erin, none of us have.”
    WNYX News, Tue, Feb. 8, 2017 — SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN — “This is Erin Brodsky, in Washington, D.C.  This morning, with broad support from Republican members, the House began impeachment hearings for President Trump, who has only been in office only nineteen days.  House Speaker Paul Ryan said that with the possibility of imminent war with China, the nation can no longer afford to have a total loser in the White House.”
    “This is Sarah Brandywine in Washington.  What an extraordinary development in an amazing series of them.  What could possibly happen next is anyone’s — what was that bright flash?  Too bright too look at . . . get down!  Get — “

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