Ock Run For President
Now time further adventures Ock — Stone Age Man. Ock like money, no like work. Find out candidates get keep most money raised, win lose. Ock decide run for President. Figure more money than run for Congress. Ock like money. Run as Republican, naturally.
Hire campaign manager. Tell Ock use words like American people, liberty, freedom. No say middle class. No middle class anymore. Say working folks, taxpayers. Ock fly to Iowa — first time ride giant metal bird. Speak to corn farmers, say American people, this, that. Say liberty, freedom. Crowd like. Ock getting hang of it. Conservatives like Ock, both use same primitive brain. Ock say what they think. Speak in bumper sticker slogans they understand. Like to have beer with. Ock say growth, prosperity, opportunity. Crowd eat up with spoons. Say make America strong again (Trump already patent ‘great’). Say government bad, taxes bad, jobs good. Crowd all over it.
Start Facebook page, speak other crowds. Say campaign about future, not past. Take country back. Ock poll numbers climb. Local reporter ask how Ock get here from Stone Age. Ock say out hunting, see bright light, next thing know in Corinth, Mississippi. Feel right at home.
Media ignore Ock. No interviews, no mention. Feel like Bernie Sanders.
Then time first Republican debate, on Fox TV. Ock love Fox, get all news Fox. Ock nervous. First time ever wear suit. Look as clumsy as George W. Bush, or Mitt Romney in mom jeans. Backstage, campaign manager say no mention climate change. If ask, say “Ock no scientist.” Debate begin. Ted Cruz give Ock creeps.
Ask Ock what religion. No say worship Mogwa, Queen of Jungle. Instead quote “no religious test” clause from Constitution. Ock do his homework.
Someone ask Ock position social issues. Say “Ock no socialist.”
Ock asked stance on guns. Ock say good pun! Say grow up in Stone Age. Only weapon rock. That why call Stone Age. Say when young, anti-rock protest. End rock violence, ban rocks. Ock say rocks no kill people, people kill people. Village agree. Then everyone carry rock — self defense only (beep signal end of his time). Yells “We first open carry village ever!” People in crowd doing back flips.
Ask Ock about terrorism. Say more worried about White Christian mass shooters. Audience go silent,, think about.
Trump make fun of Ock. Mock Ock. Say not belong on stage. Ock point Trump hair, say I see you had successful hunt. Trump say you born 10,000 years ago. Where birth certificate? Ock no have. Stone Age no writing yet.
After debate, Party leaders see Ock. Say must drop out. Why? No birth certificate. Not U.S. citizen. Besides, already have enough Stone Age types. Poor Ock. Feel like big stone in heart. Ock think, look out, Ted Cruz. Campaign sink like, uh, stone. Ock later reflect. Look bright side. Ock much more money now. Maybe get more hot bling, upgrade to better man cave. Also fulfill dream of starting own rock band. Who knew? Ock — Stone Age Man — big fan rock music.