Redoglicans and Democats
Over the years, I’ve noticed a peculiar trend in American life, which is much too prevalent to be coincidental. Nearly all the Republicans I’ve met own dogs, and nearly all the Democrats I’ve known have cats. I’ve given this phenomenon a lot of thought; there just has to be a logical reason for it. As it turns out, there are many, and they all point to one answer – – they’re a perfect match for each other.
Perhaps the best way to proceed is by dissecting the brains of these divergent political polarities, and not the differences. A 2010 study by University College of London showed that in conservatives, that part of the brain known as the amygdale was over-developed. The amygdale is the primitive part of the brain controlling the fight-or-flight response, fear, and aggression. In liberals, the study found that the part of their brains that were over-developed was the anterior singulate cortex. This part of the brain controls compassion and cooperation. Keep these things in mind, as they will illuminate the discussion.
Republicans operate purely out of fear. They’re afraid of everything not exactly like them – – for the most part, male and white. Their fragile egos are in constant need of validation and reinforcement. Dogs readily supply these needs; they’re eager to please – – “Oh, master, you’re the greatest!” Dogs will happily listen to all their masters’ bullshit, while wagging their tails. Like dogs, Republicans bark all the time, usually at nothing at all, and have a tendency to attack without provocation. The dog, being a good deal smarter than his master, will eventually stop. But the Republican will go on barking endlessly. Both dogs and Republicans are hard wired for authoritarian rule, and Republicans like having “someone” to look down upon and feel superior to. Neither rate highly on a scale of intellect.
Democrats are generally more comfortable within their own skins, and naturally gravitate to cats’ independent nature. With cats, it’s “I’m a little busy right now, but if you’ll leave a message I’ll try and get back to you.” Democrats know they don’t own cats, but cohabitate with them as equals.
There’s another area of comparison, and it doesn’t make for a pretty picture. I’m speaking of waste disposal. The dog will just squat whenever the urge takes him. By the time he’s done his “doody”, he’s already forgotten about it, and just strolls off. I think we can agree that the vast percentage of industrialists are a great deal more conservative than liberal. They are every bit as careless about the waste they leave behind, in the form of mine tailings, blasted off mountain tops, oil spills, or natural gas explosions. They too are eager to move on to the next pristine area to despoil. They couldn’t care less about what they leave behind.
The cat, before making his deposit, will check out the area first, to make sure it’s suitable for his purpose. Upon completion of his task, he turns around, and with the meticulousness of a surgeon, thoroughly covers up everything. An expert tracker would be hard put to find any trace. Likewise, liberals are more environmentally conscious.
While we’re on the subject of scatology, it should be mentioned that dogs have a nasty habit of eating shit, whether it’s their own or that of some other dog. You will notice this in Republicans as well. If you have doubts, all you need to do is watch Fox (alleged) news. They’re shoveling it back and forth and scarfing it up like some offal banquet.
In conclusion, we can see how dogs & Republicans, and cats & Democrats, are a tight match intellectually, emotionally, and in general temperament. There is one crucial area where the analogy breaks down, however. Dogs, cats, and even many Democrats all contribute to the overall social order. The same cannot be said for the Paleolithic Republicans, who are no more suited for the 21st Century than are any of the other saurians.