Republican-to-English Dictionary

Republican-to-English Dictionary

(What Republicans say, and what it really means)


Republicans are masters of manipulating the language.  I have assembled this glossary of terms, in hopes that others can more easily see these people for who they really are.  I dedicate this to Thom Hartmann, a true master of language, for his radio show and the inspiration and information I’ve gained from it.  The term Ds2 after a definition indicates that Democrats are also guilty.
  The American Dream — be a millionaire.  Today if you want to be a millionaire you have to be born into it, or win the lottery.
  American exceptionalism –– We’re Number One!  Yes, number one in meth labs, teen pregnancies, gun deaths, and wealth inequality among developed nations.
  anarchist — any protester or demonstrator not belonging to a tea party.
  apology tour — as in “Obama’s apology tour,” whenever Pres. Obama travels abroad, and is honest about the U.S. actually making questionable foreign policy decisions in the past.
  atheist — a godless heathen who hates America.
  bootstraps — imaginary objects that the poor are blamed for not pulling themselves up by.
  class warfare –– what Republicans scream when someone suggests that the rich pay their fair share of taxes.
  climate change –– something made up by those fancy-pants scientists.  See elitist.
  communists –– progressives or liberals. See unions.
  compromise –– our way or the highway.
  creationism — the science of how everything began, 6000 years ago.
  culture of dependency — getting something for nothing.  See no free lunch.
  death tax –– re-framing of “estate tax” to make it sound worse.  A tax on inherited wealth, and Republicans don’t believe in the rich paying taxes.  A better name would be “rich brat tax”, “Paris Hilton tax”, or “the lucky sperm club.”
  deficit –– a word you never hear during a Republican administration.  Former Vice President Dick Cheney said, “Reagan taught us that deficits don’t matter.”
  defense –– war.  After WWII the War Department was renamed the Department of Defense.  So “defense budget” is actually “war budget”.  Ds2
  democracy –– not actually found in the Republican lexicon, as they don’t believe in it, and it sounds too much like Democrat.  They refer to the country as a republic, because it sounds more like Republican.
  economic freedom — unregulated, predatory capitalism..
  elitist –– anyone smarter than a Republican.  Someone engaged in science, or capable of critical thinking.
  enhanced interrogation –– torture, plain and simple.  Ds2
  entitlements –– government handouts to lazy, inferior people (rather than something people have paid into for decades, and are therefore “entitled” to it).
  evolution — a theory (fossil) that hasn’t been proven (fossil) scientifically.
  faith –– something to wear on your sleeve, so as to appear pious.
  family –– a group of people to have your photo taken with, for campaign ads.
  family values — hypocrisy dressed up in a cheap suit.
  flag –– something to wrap yourself in, so as to appear patriotic.
  flat tax — another scam to pile more taxes on the poor while the rich pay less.
  Fox News –– the official media propaganda outlet for the Republican Party.  Any similarity between Fox and real news is purely accidental.
  free enterprise — see economic freedom.
  free market –– monopolies.
  free trade –– exporting slave wages and sweat-shop conditions to mostly third world countries.  Ds2
  freedom –– being able to openly carry a loaded weapon into a church or bar.
  God –– Mammon, the primary deity of worship.  Ds2
  homosexual agenda — to have the same rights as other Americans.
  individual responsibility — I got mine, Jack, screw you.  See libertarian.
  job creators — meaning the rich, who create wealth, not jobs.  The real job creators are consumer demand and consumer spending.
  judicial activism –– whenever any judge renders a verdict Republicans don’t agree with.
  leadership — the ability to tell people what they want to hear.  Ds2
  liberal –– someone who hates America.  See communists, Marxists, progressives.
  liberal media — the corporate, conservative media.
  libertarian — basically, a selfish asshole.  I also like Thom Hartmann’s definition of libertarians as Republicans who want to smoke dope and get laid.
  liberty — another word tossed around so carelessly and for so long, it has become nearly meaningless.
  lobbying — it used to be called bribery, and people went to jail for it.  Ah, those were the days, eh?  Ds2
  Marxists –– see communists
  moral compass — a compass whose needle always seems to point to the Book of Leviticus.  See family values.
  nanny state — a government that provides equal opportunity to all citizens, and gives a hand up (not a handout) to those in need, as the Founders envisioned.
  no free lunch –– no social safety nets for the poor or needy, period.  Just the idea that somehow, somewhere, someone might be getting something for nothing, makes Republicans hysterical.
  Obamacare — the Affordable Care Act, an idea first proposed by the right wing Heritage Foundation, later successfully implemented in MA by Republican Governor Mitt Romney, but now it’s evil.
  outrageous — any facts Republicans are confronted with, such as economics, politics, or science.
  personalize –– a prettier word for privatize.
  premium support — coupons or vouchers to replace Medicare.
  privatize — profitize, or better yet, piratize.
  progressive –– someone who’s trying to destroy America.  See liberal.
  pro-life –– pro-fetus.  Once it’s born, they couldn’t give a rat’s ass about it.
  the Reagan revolution — note to poor and working people — go to hell!
  redistribution of wealth — getting back the wealth the rich have stolen from us, I mean redistributed to themselves.
  reform –– deform.  If not possible to privatize, to destroy altogether.
  regulations –– the main impediment to predatory capitalism.
  religious liberty — the right to shove religious dogmas down our throats.
  right to work — no rights at work.
  Ronald Reagan — an uncanonized saint who’s mainly responsible for just about everything wrong with America.  They become aroused just saying His Holy Name.
  school choice — children of the rich getting to choose private charter schools while the poor are stuck with debilitating public schools.
  secular — views held by godless heathens.
  shared sacrifice — balancing the budget solely on the backs of the poor.
  small business –– big business.  By their definition, Bechtel is a small business.
  small government –– no regulations whatsoever on air, water, or food quality.
  social conservative –– a right-wing Christian fundamentalist.
  socialism — any social program benefiting the needy.
  spending — a mortal sin, except for war and subsidies, of course.  Ds2
  subsidies — corporate welfare.  See welfare.  Ds2
  support the troops –– screw the troops.  None of them are Republicans, or children of Republicans, who are mostly cowards.
  tax reform –– lowering taxes on the rich while increasing them on the poor.
  taxes — your money which is stolen by the government.
  Tea Party — useful idiots who hang teabags from their hats with clothespins.
  teachers — union thugs.
  terrorist — any Muslim.
  tort reform — removing your right to sue large corporations for their crimes.
  unemployment (insurance) — paying someone for doing nothing.
  unfunded liability — welching on a promise, as in Social Security or pensions.
  unions — see communists, Marxists.
  voter fraud –– a non-existent bugaboo Republicans invented in order to mask their own massive election fraud.  It’s the only they can win an election.
  welfare — government subsidies for corporations and the wealthy.

Catch-phrases and Talking Points

  America hating liberals — liberals love America, they just hate the one that the Republicans are trying to create.
  Corporate taxes are the highest in the developed world. — yes, but they are the lowest in the developed world in taxes actually collected.
  Democrat Party (rather than Democratic Party) — Rethuglicans love this one because it rankles the Democrats.  They like that the word ends in rat, too, but what letter does rat begin with?
  free stuff from the government — roads, highways, bridges, schools, police and fire protection, all stuff we paid for with our taxes (except the rich).
  getting America back to work — do you want fries with that?
  Government doesn’t work — we don’t know or care how to make government work.
  No poor person ever offered me a job — this is actually true.  It’s also true that no poor person ever fired me or shipped my job to china, bribed (sorry, I mean lobbied) public officials, or absconded with my pension, so Boo-yah!
  playing the race card — what Republicans say when called on their blatant racism.
  (A) rising tide lifts all boats — a rising tide lifts all yachts.  The poor can’t even afford rowboats, and most of them are underwater in their mortgages.
  Secure the border — blame illegal immigrants for everything,  It used to be the Irish, then it was the Italians, now it’s mostly those Mexicans.
  My remark was taken out of context — I wish I hadn’t said that.
  We don’t have a revenue problem, we have a spending problem –– we don’t have a spending problem, we have a revenue problem.
  We have a debt crisis –– we need to maintain the debt crisis we created, even if it means destroying the U.S. economy and throwing us into the next Republican Great Depression.  That’s our best strategy to make Obama look bad.
  We need to have an adult conversation . . . – what to say when you aren’t getting your own way.
  
We want our country back –– back to those good old days when white men were the only ones who could be President, and where women knew their place (the kitchen or bedroom).
  weak on defense, weak on terror — unwilling to engage in endless war against nations that don’t threaten us, in order to gain control of resources.  Ds2
  We’re making progress in Afghanistan –– we are making absolutely no progress in Afghanistan, unless you define progress as ‘motion forward through time’.  Ds2
  When are Democrats going to stop blaming Bush for the economy? — We’re too busy trying to blame Obama for Bush’s economy.

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2 Responses to Republican-to-English Dictionary

  1. phil purcelli says:

    Tom, I was just writing a thank you to a few of our classmates for the 50th reunion and I noticed this/your web site. Sadly you paint a broad brush in this post and amaze even me. Too bad!

  2. Coyote says:

    Please forgive this late reply, my computer was down for 4 months. Sorry you didn’t like the Republican – English Dictionary. Sane Republicans need to take their party back from the extremists. I’ve hit the Democrats too, and lots of other stuff that isn’t political at all. Too bad you seem to be judging by reading 1 post of 114, and that’s too bad, too. But thank you for taking the time to respond, and all the best.

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