Rock Violence Shakes Stone Age Community
Meet Ock — Stone Age man. Live small village. Ock good hunter-gatherer, always extra food. Open place, trade for food. Call Hard Ock Café. Ock brain size walnut, plenty smart. Notice some men no women. Hang out together, kiss. Ock call “village people.” Peaceful. Life good, plenty game, water.
Then change. Man hit boy with rock. Some say give teachers rocks. Protect children. Crazy man hit many people with rocks. Many say need rock control laws. Only have small rocks. Some say ban all rocks. Dangerous. NRA (Neolithic Rockthrowers Association) say everybody have rocks, self defense. One boy find father’s rock, hit another boy. Whole village angry at father.
Ock love rocks. Rhyme with name. Have big collection all kinds, sizes, shapes. Take nothing for granite. Sandstone break much — display only. Love rocks so much mate name Stela, son name Rocky, gneiss family. Always have rock hidden in loincloth. Call conceal and carry (Ock belong NRA). One time Ock fight enemy stranger, hit with rock. Stranger fall, roll down hill. Ock invent rock and roll.
Ock decide take boulder stand, speak village. Ban rocks silly. Rocks everywhere. Anyone can get. Besides, need flint for start fire. Need flat stone for grind seeds. Shiny rocks pretty jewelry. Learn to live with rocks. Rocks no kill people, people kill people. Most rock owners responsible. Use for hunting only. People look around. Ock make sense? Ugh, first time
Ock invent sling. Throw rock far. Make big sling, many rocks at once. No hit anything. Accurate better. Nobody mess with Ock.
Then change again. Someone invent club. Throw rock, rock gone. Club still in hand, better. NRA push club trade. Go out on limb, start branches many villages. Leaf nothing to chance. Ock start club collection. Hickory switches to wooly mammoth tusk. Go big club show (no background check). See many kinds clubs, golf clubs, mens’ clubs, private clubs, club sandwich, clubfoot, clubhouse, deuce of clubs. Stone axes, obsidian knives, shiny rocks, shells. Get club so big can hardly carry (Ock overcompensate, think small penis). Have spikes, extra protection. No need extended magazine — no one in village read yet. Trade good musk ox.
Clubs big step in men get date. Different idea of “going clubbing” than you or me. Women form own club — support group.
One day Ock find shiny rocks. Many shiny rocks. Pretty. Make necklace. Women love! Want shiny rocks! Ock discover bling. Have corner on market.
Go hunting in forest. Lost from group, meet stranger. Ock say how do? Stranger say no bad. Ock ask what in hand. Stranger say spear. Ock eyes bulge. Club you can throw! Both club and rock. Sharp rock. Note to self: start spear collection. Soon Ock need bigger cave. Then have daughter, name Crystal. Then Ock begin change. No like think rock, club, fight. Not go NRA meetings. Want stay home. Spend time family. Think hard, why people want hurt others. Organize protest, call Ockupy NRA. Say rock, club okay, but not only thing. Work together important. Make village better. Ock elected chief.