Run For Your Life — the Paranoids Are Coming!

Run For Your Life — the Paranoids Are Coming!

CAUTION: Before reading further, it is advised that you have at least three changes of underwear at the ready. Tinfoil hats optional.

    Maybe you’ve been asleep, or binge-watching “Game of Thrones,” and you haven’t noticed the dark horror creeping across the American landscape. I refer to Jade Helm 15. ostensibly a military training exercise in seven — no, ten — states in the Southwest. It involves 10,000 troops and special forces operations practicing for . . . what? Troops have admitted in the official armed forces newspaper The Stars and Stripes that they are preparing for mass civil unrest. I’ll get back to this important theme later, but there is something more sinister behind Jade Helm. Some Federal Marshalls have unofficially disclosed that this is a dry run, a rehearsal if you will, of an assault on the most patriotic of our citizens — gun owners. Obama has been planning this gun grab since he entered the White House over six years ago. The numerous laws relaxing restrictions have been a ruse, to lure us into complacence.
    In Texas they’ll not only be rounding up guns but their owners, and taking them away to reeducation camps located in deep caverns beneath empty WalMarts. Governor Greg Abbott has mobilized the Texas National Guard to monitor or possibly intercept these government interlopers. Smart gun owners are burying weapons in their back yards (no one will ever think of looking there!), although I don’t know how they’re going to defend themselves against the horde of criminals and rapists streaming over the border.
    To return to that civil unrest trope, we’ve seen the militarization of police forces across the country. They look more like an invading and occupying force than our own employees, sworn to serve and protect us. There are “fusion centers” around the country now, where federal agencies coordinate and cooperate with local police. Do you remember that rumor about the Department of Homeland Security buying up huge quantities of ammunition? It’s true, and besides 2700 tanks, they’re ordering 1.6 billion rounds of hollow point bullets. DHS says it needs them “for law enforcement agents in training and on duty (italics mine). What would cause such massive unrest? We have plenty of options to choose from, such as the UN’s Agenda 21, a secret plan for blue-helmeted UN soldiers to take over our city parks. Then there’s the coming global financial collapse. Of course, it’s being set up by the Bilderbergs, who are actually the Illuminati. You’ve heard about bank bailouts, I’m sure, but this next one is what’s called a bail in. Overnight, about 20% of your bank accounts will be used to bail in the failing banks. Well, that won’t happen to the billionaires, they’re the ones behind it. There’ll be promises to pay it back as soon as the economy recovers, etc.
    If that weren’t bad enough, Planet X, also known as Nebiru, is on its way back through the solar system, which it does every 3600 years. It’s getting very close now, but you can’t see it because it’s infared. The government knows all about it, because they’ve been in contact with the aliens for over fifty years, and they have an arrangement. We get the benefits of alien technology, as long as we allow them to abduct and anally probe ignorant fishermen in Mississippi. It’s a pretty good deal, actually. When Nebiru gets close enough, it will cause continents to tip over and giant tsunamis to ravage the land. If you think traffic is bad now, try getting to WalMart then! That’s what will probably cause the6 reversal of the Earth’s magnetic poles that so many have predicted.
    As I said, the government has known all this for decades. That’s what’s really behind the fluoridation of all our drinking water. The goal was to make Americans stupid, and it’s pretty obvious that this strategy has succeeded beyond anyone’s wildest dreams.
    The NSA and their private contractors are already monitoring all our phone calls and electronic communications, in the interests of “national security,” naturally. But recently they’ve developed mind-reading techniques by way of inter-cranial frequency modulation. Each of our brains has its own unique frequency, and once the particular frequency has been determined, they’ll know what we’re thinking even before we do, or whether you pick your nose, and how often. That’s some of that technology they got from the aliens. Once they’ve obtained a person’s brain frequency, they can control it. Maybe that’s where all those mass shootings are coming from — government-created Manchurian candidates.
    Have you heard of RFIDs? That’s Radio Frequency Identification. Tiny RFID chips are in nearly everything we buy now, from groceries to jeans. They’ll soon be in all our household appliances, too. So-called smart meters are replacing the old analog electric and water meters. Then they’ll be able to tell how much water you use and when, and whether you like your eggs sunny side up or over easy. RFIDs are in all the newer credit cards, drivers’ licenses, and passports, too. Now someone with an RFID reader can walk right by you, and — click — you’ve just been electronically pickpocketed. Not only can your car be hacked (this has already happened), but your house, too, maybe even your pets.
    It’s even worse than all that, though. Another thing they’re not telling us is that the oceans are dying. Within ten years the only thing left to eat will be green crackers made out of old people and the homeless. See, if you had only visited Grandma in that nursing home a little more often, you could have prevented this. Now it’s too late; Grandma is a box of crackers. I hope you’re happy now. At least she’ll be gluten free.
    We keep getting missed by recent gigantic solar flares. One hit Earth in 1859, and the radiation was so intense it fried the telegraph machines. It was called the Carrington Event, and you can look that up. When, not if, one hits again, it will fry all our electronics and we’ll be back in the Dark Ages before you can say “What the hell!” The same effect would be produced by an electromagnetic pulse, or EMP, from a nuclear bomb detonated 100 miles overhead, presumably by the terrorists.
    Oh my God, I forgot about the terrorists! Muslim extremist Islamicist radical jihadists are everywhere, and they want to bring Sharia Law to all our courts before they cut off our heads. I’ll bet there’s one hiding beneath your bed right now. Don’t believe me, have a look for yourself — if you dare. See, I told you. Just offer him some hummus.
    Lest you think all these conspiracy theories are bogus, the reason there are conspiracy theories is because there are conspiracies. Call them the Bilderbergs, Illuminati, oligarchs, whatever you want. The New World Order is on the way, and there’s no longer anywhere to run. It will be global, corporate totalitarianism, and unless you’re in that top hundredth of a percent, you’ll be lucky to be Bob Cratchit. We’ve been conditioned, like Pavlov’s dogs, to be in a constant state of fear. They’ve given us all these electronic hand-held pacifiers to comfort us. Why do you think so much time and energy has gone into making them affordable for everyone? It’s much easier to manipulate frightened children, and that’s what we’ve become. So don’t forget to be afraid, and have a nice day.

   Paranoia is simply getting all the facts. — William S. Burroughs

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